


Sometimes You Just Have to Let Go

by Acacia_Mac



Series: The Fates Decide - Night Fires Burning Bright [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alpha/Omega, F/M, M/M, Medical Experimentation, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Torture, Violence, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 13:35:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1552295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acacia_Mac/pseuds/Acacia_Mac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Even when I had nothing I had Bucky."<br/>Takes place right after of Part One of this arch <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1536146/chapters/3251603">Cause You got Nothing to prove.</a>  It is not necessary to read Nothing to Prove but a plus.  May help you understand this one a little more.<br/>Once Steve was given the chance, he had finally made it then he heard the words “Your audience contained what was left of the 107th”  The world as Steve knew it was about to change, he just hadn't realized how much.<br/>Part Two  of The Fates Decide</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part one

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own any of these characters or anything with CA:TFA (drat hehe) All belongs to Marvel.  
> Made some minor changes, not much.

~~~***~~~***

** Hydra facility Krauseberg October 1943 **

Bucky leaned against the bars of the small cell that he and some of his men had been dumped into.  All around them other circular cells filled the large room.  He could only guess they had been there a couple of days, a week at most but it was hard to tell.  Hydra as they had learned their captors were a part of, kept the men working well past their limits and sleep was rare.  Sometime during their rest time the night before some Hydra men pulled two of the soldiers in the cell next to them out.  Rumor was that there was some medical testing facility somewhere in the warehouse that no one returned from.  

He knew looking around that he wasn't the senior office or NCO there but Bucky was also aware that some of the senior personnel didn't seem to want to stand up and do anything.  Bucky wasn't sure if he was braver than them or just plain stupid for putting himself out there.  Already he had tried to step in when one of the Privates in his company was getting beat up by Hydra.  Shifting a little more against the bars, Bucky tried to ease the slight pain in his side.  "Dum Dum," Bucky whispered to his Corporal.  The two had been trying to keep track of anything the facility had from manpower to weapons to trying to keep track of how many men made it through the day and night.  "Did you catch a look outside?  Looks like they are moving some of the weapons out of here."

Dum Dum nodded with his head down knowing that they had to pretend to be sleeping if a Hydra agent looked over at them.  With his helmet covering his eyes, James Dum Dum Dugan was always on the watch.  "Yeah, no clue where they are taking em though.  Looks like we have another group of workers coming in."

Gabe who was resting on the ground between the two men shifted slightly.  "Heard one of the guards talking about clearing room for some English guys."  One of the other soldiers in their cell warned them of the coming Hydra agent and all immediately pretended to sleep.  When the coast was once again clear, Gabe rolled over slightly so he could look at the other two men.  "So what's the plan, Sarge?"

Bucky took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  It was still strange that these men were looking toward him for answers, for a way out.  He wasn't made for this, he wasn't a leader.  He was just a damn sniper and the NCO who made sure the men were where they were supposed to be.  But that didn't matter, he was the one the men were looking toward to get them out, so Bucky would do what he could and only hoped that no one would pay the price for his ignorance.  "We need to know what were up against. Would be too stupid to try anything only to get shot as soon as we got to the open yard."  Bucky closed his eyes briefly trying to get everything in order in his mind.  "We need numbers \-- both ours and theirs, weapons, distance.  Hell we need to know where we are and how far it is to base camp.  Last thing we would need is if we can get out of here to get lost in the damn wilderness and end up in another camp."

"We'll get some of the other men involved," Dugan replied.  "The more we know the better chance we have."

~~~***~~~***

Bucky was silently kicking himself, repeatedly and hard.  It was his own damn stupidity that got him here and he knew Dugan would never let him live it down.  That is if he got out of this place.  The words 'no one ever returned from the testing room' rang in his ears and that is most likely why Bucky was here instead of that Englishman.  Bucky tried to think of why he decided that he had to step in, the other guy was some major or something and yet Bucky couldn't stand back and let him be dragged off to who knows where.  He only hoped that they would continue to plan an escape without him.  God knows he wasn't sure he would be making it out now.

_ What is Steve gonna think, _ passed through his mind.  He could practically see Steve giving him that look, the same one Bucky had received often in their youth that told him that he was in way over his head.  

Yeah being strapped to some damn medical table with machines all around him told him he was in over his head for sure.  

" James Buchanan Barnes, Sergeant US Army, Three-two-five-five-seven-zero-three-eight," Bucky stated as he watched some short stocky doctor come into the room.  He knew the rules -- when captured give your name, rank and service number.  Nothing else.  He could do this, no problem.

"Why hello, Sergeant Barnes.  My name is Dr. Zola."  Bucky wanted to slap that damn smile off the doctor's face but his arms and well the rest of him was tied down.  Dr. Zola checked his vitals and then moved off to the side to read something that Bucky couldn't see.  

Bucky wanted to ask but knew he couldn't.  " James Buchanan Barnes, Sergeant US Army, Three-two-five-five-seven-zero-three-eight."

"Yes, such a good soldier.  But we will fix that."  Bucky watched as others came in and started to stick IVs into him.  Bucky tried to move away, tried to bust lose and fight but he couldn't budge.  Bucky could only lay there name, rank and service number coming out of his mouth.  Suddenly he felt like his whole body was on fire -- he wanted to scream, oh god how he wanted to scream but nothing was coming out of his mouth.  All he felt was fire moving through his veins and through every part of his body.  "We will make you so much more."

" James Buchanan Barnes, Sergeant US Army, Three-two-five-five-seven-zero-three-eight," Bucky tried to concentrate, everything stated to get fuzzy.  The fire he felt changed and now he felt like he was floating.  He didn't notice when he was hooked up to one of the machines until he felt like he was struck by lightning which caused every muscle in his body to tighten immediately.  He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe.  " James Buchanan Barnes, Sergeant US Army, Three-two-five... AHHHHHHH," He screamed.  They weren't asking questions, this was torture plain and simple.  

"Leave him for now, tomorrow we will see if he survives and proceed with phase two," he heard the doctor state as if he was from a million miles away.  All Bucky knew was if whatever this phase two was if it was anything like this one was, Bucky could only hope that there was a God up there who would at least take care of Steve.  For all Bucky knew he may not make it.

~~~***~~~***

** Italy 1943 - five miles from the front November 2nd, 1943 **

Steve had been searching for Bucky, hoping to get a glimpse of his friend but after a day on this base he hadn't seen him.  Knowing Steve's luck Bucky was either out on the front lines or was at a totally different base.  Standing in his costume, Steve tried to put on a brave face.  So far these overseas USO shows weren't going the way he had hoped.  The girls were a hit, of that he knew but most of the men he could tell were tired.  "How many of you are ready to help me sock ol' Adolph on the jaw?"  Steve looked out at the men gathered and felt his heart drop.  At least the other shows he would get cheers everyone wanting a piece of Hitler.  Taking a deep breath, Steve thought quickly on how he could turn this around.  "Okay. I need a volunteer."

Shouts from the group of men gathered started to filter though and Steve tried not to cringe.  "We already volunteered! How do you think I got here?" 

"Bring back the girls," another yelled to cheers of all.  

"I think they only know the one song, but um... Let me...I'll see what I can do."  Steve was glancing back to his 'manager' and tried to get him to see he needed help out there.  Steve could only sigh as the men started to cheer and make rude comments, this was not turning out well.  He wasn't sure what he had expected but this was not it.  "Come on guys. We're all on the same team here."

"Hey, Captain. Sign this," one of the soldiers yelled as he stood up dropping his pants.  Others started to call for the girls again as they began to throw rotten food at him.  Steve had never felt so ashamed before in his life, never felt as worthless as he had at that moment.  All of Bucky's and Dr. Erskine's hopes for him were for nothing.  They were the heroes not him, all he was was nothing.  The men in the audience were heroes and Steve just needed a break.  

Steve made his way over to his bag and grabbed his sketch pad and jacket and just sat behind the stage trying to get his mind off of it all.  The world started to fade away, allowing Steve some respite from this insanity.  What good was he?  He had hoped for so much, tried to be a good son, a good friend, a good soldier and all he ended up being was a failure.  He was now glad that Bucky hadn't been in the crowd, Steve wasn't sure that he would have been able to handle seeing the disappointment in his friend's eyes.  Cause he was a disappointment.  

Steve didn't notice how much time had passed as he continued to draw, he wasn't sure he really cared.  If they really needed him they could find him he knew.  "Hello Steve," came a voice from behind him.  Steve was shocked to see Agent Carter standing there drenched from the rain that had started when he was drawing.

"Hi," he smiled.  He had almost forgotten what it was like to have someone know HIM, the real him around and seeing Peggy was like a breath of fresh air he didn't know he had been missing.  "What are you doing here?"

"Officially I'm not here at all. That was quite a performance," she told him, and Steve could only cringe.

Shame filled his heart again, knowing what he had become but he just shrugged and glanced out around him at the lines of tents and trucks.  "I had to improvise a little bit.  The crowds I'm used to are usually more, uh...Twelve."

" I understand you're America's new hope."

"Bond sales take a ten percent bump on every state I visit," he quoted from memory.  Heaven knows he had heard that enough times in the past year that he could quote almost anything they said about him.  America's New Hope indeed, Steve though.  Steve could tell that Peggy didn't like that idea with how she had said the Senator's name, he could almost hear the curse in her voice.  Steve was no big fan of the Senator, he knew he was slime and only cared about money and power.  But he had given Steve a chance, one that he couldn't deny now.  "At least he's got me doing this. Phillips would have had me stuck in a lab."

"And these are you only two options? A lab rat or a dancing monkey. You were meant for more than this, you know."  And boy did she hit it right on the nail, Steve thought.  He could practically feel the welts of her words forming and the blood drip out of them.  He could only look down at his drawing and sigh.  "What?"

Steve had wanted so much.  He remember the time he had told Bucky that he wanted to be in the Army because he had no right to not lay down his life like the rest of the men going off to war.  He had always dreamed of following in his father's footsteps, to do what was right and to help make the world a better place.  "You know, for the longest time I dreamed about coming overseas and being on the front lines, serving my country.  Finally got everything I wanted. And I'm wearing tights."  Steve tried to hid the same he felt when he heard the horn of a truck and the yells for a medic just past the stage.  "Looks like they've been through hell." Steve could only watch as they pulled stretcher after stretcher out of the back of the truck and carried the injured in for treatment.  

"These men move the most.  Schmidt sent out a force to Azzano.  Two hundred men went up against him and less than 50 returned. Your audience contained what was left of the 107th," Peggy said and Steve felt that his heart stopped in his chest.  It couldn't be, he thought.  "The rest were killed or captured."

Quickly he looked at her hoping beyond hope that he had heard her wrong.  It couldn't be  "The 107th?"  Seeing the confirmation on her face, Steve quickly stood and started to run toward the tent where the Colonel was at.  "Come on."  Quickly Steve and Peggy arrived in the command tent and Steve stood in front of the Colonel who had turned him away.  "Colonel Phillips."

The Colonel didn't even look up just continued to read through the documents in front of him.  "Well ...," Steve could almost hear the disgust in the man's voice as he continued to 'greet' Steve and he wasn't sure if it was because of him or because of Senator Brandt.  "What is your plan today?"

Steve didn't care about any of this petty  BS, he just needed to know.  "I need the causality list from Azzano. I just need one name.  Sergeant James Barnes from the 107th," he said.  He didn't want to get into a pissing match with the Colonel and Steve would ask first before moving to plan B if need be.  He heard the Colonel say something to Peggy and Steve tried not to let his temper get the better of him.  He knew he was Bucky's Next of Kin and if something happened he should have been informed by now, right?  "Please tell me he's alive, sir. B-A-R..."

"I can spell," Colonel Phillips interrupted upset with Steve's persistence on something Steve knew he had no right to know.  "I've signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count. But, the name does sound familiar. I'm sorry."

Steve felt like his whole world had just ended.  Bucky was dead, or at least believed dead.  Steve didn't want to believe it, he couldn't.  Bucky was one of the strongest men he knew, one of the bravest, Bucky was his constant in the crazy life he had lived.  Bucky couldn't be gone.  "What about the others? Are you planning a rescue mission," Steve was now determined.  No matter what, even if Bucky was gone as the Colonel believed it was up to Steve to bring him home.  Either his body so Steve could take him home to be buried and save the men that Bucky had come to know and want to have them all get home safe.  Or to find Bucky and simply bring his friend home.  He wouldn't accept just leaving him behind for Bucky had never left him fully behind.  Steve had to find him. 

"It's called winning the war."

"But if you know where they are, why not at least..." Steve began. He couldn't believe that they weren't planning some rescue mission.  Isn't that what the Military was about 'Never leave a man behind'?  How could they just leave those men behind enemy lines to who knows what type of torture and suffering.

Steve watched as the Colonel walked over to a small map which showed where the Allies were and where the German's were.  Steve began to try and memorize it, and paid as close attention to every tiny detail.  "They're thirty miles behind the lines. Through some of the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. We'd lose more men than we'd save. I don't expect you to understand that, because you're a chorus girl."

"I think I understand just fine."  If the Army wouldn't plan a rescue mission, Steve sure as hell would.  Steve knew when he was dismissed, Colonel Phillips effectively reminding him of where he was supposed to be, but Steve wasn't about to have any of that.  Steve took one last look at the map and nodded.  "Yes, sir. I do."  Quickly he exited the tent and made his way to where he had all his stuff.  He wasn't about to leave those men, Bucky's men alone in the enemies hands.  Not if he could do something about it.  Peggy came and Steve knew she was going to try and talk him out of it, no matter how much she tried to tell him that the Colonel was planning a mission or how much trouble he would be in, Steve knew that by the time anyone else got their heads out of their asses it would be too late.  He threw his shield into the back of a truck and looked at Peggy.  She was one of the few who knew him before, one he felt he could trust and who wouldn't let him down.  "You told me you thought I was meant for more than this. Did you mean that?"

"Every word," she said with conviction. 

Steve was grateful and nodded.  Hoping into the truck he ran things over in his mind, "Then you gotta let me go."  He watched as she told him she would help and he had never felt so glad to have met her.  She was almost as determined as him, a true friend.  If she could help him, Steve knew he would be a fool not to take her up on her offer.  He just hoped it didn't blow up in their faces.

~~~***~~~***

** Hydra facility Krauseberg November 3, 1943 **

Steve was trying to figure out just how in the world he had gotten here.  He knew why he was there and the events which lead him to be sneaking through some secret Hydra base in the middle of Europe, but there was still a part of him in the back of his mind that was telling him how stupid it was.  He was one man with no back up, surrounded by the enemy in hopes that he could find Bucky and his men alive and well.  Well no one ever said he was smart about these sort of things.  Bucky had always made him do some really dumb things growing up.

Slowly he made his way through the main part of the facility having grabbed a small weapon of some sort and quietly came up behind one of the Hydra agents.  All around Steve he saw men in cages, hundreds of them.  Bucky's men, and Steve could hope Bucky as well.  Tapping the Hydra goon on his shoulder he punched him out and looked around as he bent to get the keys off of the man's belt.  Luckily it didn't appear that he had attracted any attention, that was until someone in the cage below him called out.  "Who are you suppose to be?"

Steve looked down and saw and looked right at the black man below him.  He remembered Bucky had mentioned that they were working with some of the segregated units and Steve could only hope this man was a part of that unit.  Of course, Steve wasn't quite sure how to answer the man's question so he fell back on what he has been used to for the past year.  "I'm Captain America."

"I, beg your pardon," an Englishman in the same cage replied.  Steve quickly made his way to the lower level, thankful that he had dispatched all the Hydra men in the room and started to unlock each cell looking at every face for Bucky's.  

He could hear a few of the men talking and Steve could only make his way toward the front of the group.  "Is there anybody else," he asked hoping and praying it wasn't.  He hadn't caught sight of his friend and had to know.  "I'm looking for a Sergeant James Barnes."

The same Englishman from before looked around and shrugged.  "There's an isolation ward in the factory, but no one's ever come back from it."

Steve had caught sight of a small sign on his way in that pointed to that very ward and Steve knew where he had to go.  If Bucky was anywhere he would be there.  "All right. The tree line is northwest, eighty yards past the gate. Get out fast and give them hell. I'll meet you guys in the clearing with anybody else I find."

As Steve made his way back through the factory, the men quickly busted through the doors and began to raise hell.  Fighting with their fists and any gun they could pick up.  Bombs, and the strange Blue lasers they had seen before going off all around them.  Dugan spotted one of the assault jeeps and quickly jumped into it quickly followed by Gabe.  "Hey. Not exactly a Buick," he said as he tried to find the starter or something to get this damn hunk of junk moving.  

Gabe Jones quickly looked over the dash before them and pointed to one of the buttons and calling it out, Dugan pressed the button and was happy to hear this beast come to life as Major Falsworth jumped in and behind the gun. 

"I didn't know you spoke German," he stole a glance over at Jones.  They had worked together a couple of times over the past few months and not once did he know the man spoke anything other than music and English.  

"Three semesters at Howard, switched to French, girls much cuter," Gabe said with a smile.  Many would think he wasn't an educated man and didn't know what he was talking about because of his color so it was always good to be able to prove that he was just as good as the rest of them, no matter what color his skin was.  

~~~***~~~***

Bucky wasn't sure what he was feeling, he wasn't sure if he was even alive or dead -- all around him was in this haze and he couldn't focus.  It had taken three days for the burning to stop flowing through his veins but the electroshocks kept up for a little longer.  The doctor was a regular visitor, and Bucky wasn't sure why they never asked him questions.  Not once did they ask him anything only poked him with some damn needle, ran some test or hooked him up to one of the machines.  Bucky wasn't even sure if he had slept since they brought him in here, hell he wasn't sure how long he had been there or if his men were still alive.  Was he even at the same base or did they move him? Was he even alive?  Bucky wasn't sure of anything except for once although he didn't feel right, he didn't feel the burn which was a drastic improvement.  

He thought he heard some explosions going off and heard some movement in the next room.  Silently, Bucky prayed that they wouldn't come into the room and try for another round.  He wasn't sure he could last much longer.  "Sergeant.  Three-two-five-five-seven..." He tried to get out.  

Steve came into the room after hearing a voice he would know from anywhere and almost froze in his spot upon seeing Bucky strapped to a table.  "Bucky. Oh, my God," Steve tried not to curse and scream.  What had they done to him?

Bucky tried to look up and see who was there.  The voice sounded familiar but he couldn't place the face.  "Is that..."

Steve could only look down at Bucky as he tried to hold back tears that he felt starting to form in the corner of his eyes.  As he had been dancing around on stage, pretending to be some great hero, Bucky had been subjected to God knows what.  Taking a deep breath to ease his mind, he smiled down at Bucky.  "It's me, it's Steve."

As Steve quickly grabbed a hold of the straps that held Bucky in place, he used all his strength to rip them off and free Bucky from the damn bed "Steve," Bucky asked as he lifted his hands to touch Steve's face.  Man if he was dead or dreaming, Bucky didn't want to wake up . Steve was there.

Steve grabbed a hold of Bucky's shoulders and lifted him off of the bed.  As soon as Bucky's feet hit the ground, Steve quickly had to catch him before we went face first onto the floor.  "Come on."  Steve could only look at Bucky, so thankful that his friend was alive.  He wasn't dead as he had feared or as the Colonel believed.  Bucky had survived the one place that everyone had told him never returned from.  Placing his hands on the side of Bucky's face and neck, Steve took in his friend making sure that it really was Bucky.  "I thought you were dead."

Bucky's vision cleared enough and the first thing he noticed was that Steve was his height.  No that couldn't be right, could it?  "I thought you were smaller."  Bucky tried to wrap his mind around the fact that Steve, who wasn't Steve but was.. was there carrying him out of that place.  Steve gave Bucky a small smile as he placed Bucky's arm around his shoulders.  They were getting the hell out of there no matter what.  And heaven forbid anyone who stood in their way "What happened to you," Bucky asked still not believing his eyes, and definitely not sure that this wasn't a dream.

"I joined the army."

Bucky knew now that this wasn't a dream.  Only Steve would be so calm about all of this and try and deflect.  Bucky knew he would get answers. Something had happened to Steve and damn it all if Bucky wasn't going to tear down the whole damn government if he had to in order to get some answers.  "Did it hurt?"

"A little."

Bucky swallowed down his irritation at Steve as they made their way through the hallway.  "Is this permanent?"

"So far."  Bucky shook his head, Steve was hiding something but he knew enough as the sound of explosions going off closer to them now, that now was not the time.  He would corner Steve if he had to once they got clear and he would get the answers.  Steve had done something stupid and Bucky was determined to get to the bottom of it.  

Once they reached the main floor they were surrounded by flames as the remaining weapons exploded around them.  Steve directed Bucky up a set of stairs looking for a way out of the compound which unfortunately the ground level was no longer an option.  They rounded a corner and Steve spotted a walkway so he pulled Bucky along toward it.  It wasn't until they reached it that Steve found their path blocked.  Before him was who Steve believed to be Schmidt and that strange little man he saw coming out of the room where Bucky had been held.  "Captain America. How exciting. I am a great fan of your films. So Doctor Erskine managed it after all."  Steve didn't have time for this, he had to get Bucky out of there and meet up with the rest of the men so he tried to fight Schmidt off to get him out of the way.  It was then that he realized that Schmidt must have been the one that Dr. Erskine had talked about, the one who had the serum before him.  The platform began to separate them as Steve watched in horror as Schmidt pulled at his face revealing his true identity behind.  

Bucky stared on in horror, he picked up enough that some Dr. Erskine had done something to both Schmidt and Steve and he could only hope that Steve wasn't like ... well that.  "You don't have one of those, do you?"

Steve didn't answer as they watched Schmidt and the doctor make their way toward a small elevator.  "You are deluded, Captain.  You pretend to be a simple soldier. But in reality you are just afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind.  Unlike you. They embrace it proudly. Without fear."

Steve watched as the coward ran and all he could think of was getting them out of there.  Quickly looking around he spotted a thin bar across to the other side so he lead Bucky that way.  The two quickly ran up the stairs to the top level as the explosions continued to go off all around them.  The whole damn place was going to collapse on top of them if they didn't get out of there soon.  Once they reached the beam, Steve helped Bucky over the railing.  "Let's go. One at a time."  He watched as Bucky slowly began to move across the beam, stopping only when they both saw the end give away slightly.  Steve could only hold his breath as the end gave way and Bucky jumped to the other side.  

Bucky grabbed a hold of the railing on the far side and pulled himself over turning to see what happened to Steve.  "Gotta be a rope or something," he cried out as he saw that Steve was trapped.  He couldn't leave Steve there, he had to find a way to get him out too.

"Just go, get out of here," Steve yelled back.  He didn't come all this way to get Bucky out only to have him stay behind and get killed along with him. 

Bucky glared at Steve, not believing that Steve would ever think that he would leave without him.  "No, not without you!"  It was like a dream all over again, as Steve bent back the railing and jumped.  All Bucky saw was Steve flying toward him, the flames from an explosion erupt all around him.  Bucky could only reach out and hope that he could reach Steve, that Steve could make it.  Feeling Steve's arm, Bucky quickly pulled him over the railing and they both collapsed onto the deck below.  "Don't you ever think of doing anything that stupid again," Bucky cursed as he started to run his hands up and down Steve's back.  "Do you hear me?"

Steve slowly got up off of Bucky and smiled down at his friend.  "Yeah, Buck.  Now let's get out of here."

~~~***~~~***

Once they made it outside where the rest of the prisoners were Bucky walked over to one of the trees and collapsed down on the ground.  With the adrenalin finally leaving his system from the escape, he only felt sore tired.  Carefully he lifted himself up enough so that his back was against the tree and he looked out at the men gathered smiling as he saw both Dugan and Jones make their way over to him.  They could hear their rescuer call out orders but Bucky at the moment didn't care, he was just grateful that some of his men had made it out ok.  "Well, well, should have known no damn quack doc could end you, Sarge," Dugan joked as he sat down next to Bucky.  "You look like shit."

Bucky could only laugh, but cringed slightly as he felt like his chest was ready to collapse in on itself.  "Yeah, good to know I look as I feel.  How many men did we lose when I was away?"

Jones sat down next to the two and looked out over the group.  "Only three, thankfully.  Guess you're little show if nothing else motivated the rest to cover for who wasn't doing well.  Not sure how many didn't make it out in the escape though.  Did see a few get shot."

Bucky could only nod as he watched Steve, or at least the guy he thought was Steve come their way.  "You doing ok, Buck?"

Dugan looked between the two trying to figure out how they knew one another.  As far as he knew the Sarge didn't know Captain America, he would have said something or at least hinted in all the times they spent together in a damn foxhole.  "You two know each other," he asked.

Bucky ran his hands over his face and looked up at Steve, the fog had lifted from his mind, but everything was still confusing.  "Right now, Dum Dum, I aint sure of anything," Bucky stated shaking his head.  "Now let's just get the hell out of here, I need a damn shower."  

Steve watched as Bucky stood carefully and picked up a gun from the ground before making his way to where the majority of the men were at.  "All the wounded being loaded up on the trucks, you sure you will be ok to walk," Steve asked.  He wasn't sure Bucky was ok at all, but he knew well enough that to force Bucky to go with the wounded would end up in a fight.  

Bucky nodded to some of the men as they were being loaded and turned to Steve.  "How far is the base camp from here, Captain?"

Steven closed his eyes briefly and tried not to let the sadness at Bucky's words show on his face.  He knew Bucky wasn't happy and that htey would need to hash all of this out, but first he had to get him somewhere safe.  And if Bucky was determined to pretend he was ok and walk the whole way, well Steve would just have to keep a close eye on him.  "About 35 miles right down this road."

Bucky nodded, his mind going a million miles a minute as he tried to calculate how long it would take them.  Giving up on his mind coming up with anything that made any sense for a while, he could only fall back on what he knew and what he had been trained too.  "Hostiles?"

Steve shrugged slightly, not entirely sure.  "I was dropped about two miles out, I didn't see any in that area but with the explosions you can bet we may run into some stragglers."

Dugan stepped up to the two and laid a hand on Bucky's shoulder.  "Well then what are we waiting for.  I hear a damn beer with my name on it calling me from here."

Steve turned toward the men behind him and nodded.  "All right men, we're moving out.  If you are able to walk grab any weapon you can find and keep an eye out.  We'll take this nice and easy but expect to run into some hostiles on the way.  I want you all to keep an eye out and watch the guy next to you.  If anyone needs a rest we have room in the trucks.  We'll stop at nightfall and see where we are at.  Let's move out."

Bucky could only watch as Steve took charge of the whole group and was unsure how to feel about it.  He couldn't get his mind around the fact that the man beside him was Steve.  Little Steve, his best friend.  The very man who he had left in New York last year.  He had so many questions and he wasn't sure where to start.  He knew that if he started however he wouldn't be able to stop, both would get angry with each other, both would be stubborn.  It was just their way.  

Bucky was determined that for the time being, the man beside him was his CO and he would follow whatever order he had.  Well except one that told Bucky to go and sit in one of the damn trucks.  He would bide his time and when he could come up with just what he wanted to know and how he could ask -- plus how to keep his temper in check, he would confront Steve.  

They marched for what seemed like forever throughout the day with no sight or sound of friend or foe.  Bucky could only shake his head for it all seemed almost too easy.  "So where is the extraction team, shouldn't we have run into them by now?"  Steve could only shrug and the look on his face told Bucky everything.  There was no extraction team.  They were on their own.  "Pal, I tell you we are going to have one hell of a talk when we get out of this mess."

"I know, Buck.  I know," was all Steve could say as they all continued to march along the dirt road.  Looking around Steve found a small clearing, enough that they could use the trucks and tanks they had stolen as cover from the road and a place where they could rest for the night.  Immediately he directed everyone to fortify the location and try to get some grub and rest while they could for at first light they were moving out.  As the men started to set up a perimeter, Steve watched as Dum Dum and Bucky started to set up the lookouts for the night. Steve was grateful that the two were helping and taking charge as he went from group to group to check on the men.  

After getting some men together to pass out the few rations they had, making sure the wounded were taken care of first, Steve made his way over to the are Bucky was at.  The older man was once again leaning against a tree just staring out into the forest, gun in hand with his 'team' close by also keeping watch.  "Eat up, men while you can," Steve handed them each a small ration and sat down next to Bucky.  "I know it isn't much but..."

"How much farther do you think we have to go," the Englishman asked as he looked down with a slight frown at the ration bar in his hand.  

Steve looked around and tried to calculate how far they have come.  "Most likely one at most two more days.  We'll need to conserve the few rations we have for now.  But the plan is to be back at base camp either late tomorrow night if all goes well, or early the next morning.  If we don't run into any resistance that is."

"How rude of me, Captain. I am Major James Montgomery Falsworth, at your service," the Englishman held out his hand and shook Steve's.  "As crazy as it was for you to come all this way to rescue us, I must say it was absolutely brilliant."

"Gabe Jones, and this here is Jacques Dernier," one of the two men that Steve had remembered seeing with Bucky when they had gotten out of the complex.  

The Asian looking man off to the side, only nodded in acknowledgement and waved.  "Jim Morita."

"And I'm Timothy Dugan known to everyone as Dum Dum.  That was one hellova rescue if I say so myself.  No backup, no extraction team.  Either you are insane, or just one of the bravest most idiotic men I have ever met," Dugan laughed as he held out his hand.  

Bucky could only shake his head, "I'll agree with idiotic," he quietly said as he placed his ration down on the ground and stood up.  "I'm going to check the perimeter.  Think if I eat that I'll lose what little bit I have in my stomach.  Excuse me gentlemen, Captain."  With that Bucky walked off leaving Steve to wonder just what was going on.  

Dugan looked between the two and let out a deep breath.  "You'll have to forgive him, Captain.  I can only guess you two know each other but the Sarge has been through hell the past couple of weeks.  Sure once we get back to base camp and gets some shuteye, he'll be better."

Steve could only nod even though he knew that it will take more than just some rest to clear the air between them.  Steve stood and began to walk in the direction that Bucky went to.  He knew they wouldn't be able to talk about everything they needed to, but he also knew he had to at least make an effort.  "If you ask me if I'm ok, I'm gonna punch you - Captain bars or not," Bucky simply stated as he heard Steve come up behind him.  

Steve held his hands up in surrender, not sure what else he could do what he should do.  "Look, Buck.  I know we have a lot to talk about..."

"You got that right... Just tell me one thing, Steve.  Just one," Bucky began.  He didn't want to get into anything now, but he had to know.  "When?  When did this...." he asked waving his hand at Steve's body.  "When did this happen?"

Steve leaned against a tree, folding his arms across his chest.  He knew that Bucky was angry and no matter what knowing the answer to even this question would cause an issue.  But Steve never could lie to Bucky when asked a direct question, and he didn't want to start now.  "Remember the World Expo."

"My last night before shipping out," Bucky ran a hand through his hair and had to bite his lower lip from saying anything he knew he would regret.  "Well that answers a lot.  Explains why you never wrote.  Did you even get any of the ones I sent or are they in some damn box at some base?"

Steve could feel the anger raging and he felt he deserved some of that anger.  None of this past year had been fair to Bucky.  It had been Steve who had volunteered, and he didn't regret it if it had helped him free Bucky and the other men.  But it had directly affected Bucky as well, and that was something he wished he could take back and do over.  It had never been his intention to cause Bucky any pain, but he knew it had.  "I got em, every last one.  I tried to write you back but..."  Bucky could only nod, fully understanding what wasn't being said and Steve was grateful.  "I know you have questions and I swear to you I'll answer every one of them.  But I want you to know, you're still my best friend and I'll do whatever you decide."

Bucky closed his eyes and lowered his head to the ground.  "Steve, this isn't going to destroy damn near 24 years of friendship.  It just takes some getting used to is all.  But if you think for one second that I'm gonna not bust your chops for doing something stupid you better think again." 

~~~***~~~***

Once they all arrived at the base, Steve made sure that Bucky was taken to the medical tent to be checked out for despite his arguments that he was fine, Steve knew that something was wrong.  He couldn't put his finger on it yet but he was determined to find out.  Something happened to him in that facility, something that Bucky had yet to mention.  He hoped for the chance to corner him and find out. After giving his debrief to the Colonel, Steve offered to debrief some of the men, Bucky included and the Colonel agreed.  They had about 400 men to interview and anyone they were able to help conduct them would make things go a lot faster.  

Steve started down the list, leaving Bucky for last to allow the other man to be checked out by the medics and hopefully get some rest.  As night began to fall, Steve made his way over to the medical tent and looked around.  "I'm looking for Sergeant Barnes," he asked not seeing Bucky anywhere.

One of the nurses looked up from the small desk she was sitting at and gave Steve a smile.  "Sir, Sergeant Barnes was released shortly after he came in."

Steve could only stare at the young woman in shock.  "How could you release him?  He was injured, shouldn't he be here resting or something?"

"Sir, Sergeant Barnes checked out with no major injuries and he said he felt fine.  We needed the space for the other men so we told him to return to his quarters and rest.  He promised if he had any issues he would return. I am sorry if this is a problem, sir but..." She tried to explain.

Steve could only shake his head and nod his thanks.  Heading out he began to try and hunt down Bucky.  He found him in one of the NCO tents with some of the other men from the facility and Steve felt his own blood begin to boil slightly.  There was Bucky sitting on one of the racks playing cards with some of the other men, a small glass of something on the floor by his feet.  Steve heard one of the other men in the tent all out 'Officer on Deck' and Steve quickly waved them all to be as they were.  "Sergeant Barnes," Steve began as he looked over at his friend.  

Bucky glanced up from his cards and gave a small salute.  "Captain, to what do we owe the honor of your company?"  Bucky took a closer look at Steve's face and immediately knew what this visit was about.  This was completely official which meant it was time for his debriefing.  Silently Bucky had hoped it would have been anyone but Steve that would have been conducting his but knew in the back of his mind Steve would not have allowed anyone else.  Throwing down his hand, Bucky stood and waved toward Steve.  "Sorry boys, I'll just have to clear you out of house and home later.  Time for my interrogation."  

Steve lead the way toward the small tent he was given and sat down at the desk in the corner.  "You know this isn't an interrogation right," he asked not wanting to have Bucky think that this was anything other than two guys talking, or at least covering the basics.  

Bucky sat down on the bed in the corner, resting his elbows on his knees and let out a deep sigh.  "Steve, look. Right now we're not friends ok.  I know this is the normal debriefing, been through quite a few in the past year.  But for all intent and purposes you are a Captain in the US Army and I am a lowly Sergeant.  This is all official, as long as we can keep it that way..."  He stole a glance at Steve trying to convey his feelings.  He didn't want to get personal, didn't want to get into anything that may or may not need to be discussed between them, he just wanted this to be over with.

Steve looked into Bucky's eyes and saw how tired he was, even if he was trying to hide it.  Nodding his head in agreement, Steve pulled out a piece of paper and took a deep breath himself.  "Ok let's start with Azzano.  What happened, what did you see?"

Bucky ran his hand through his hair trying to keep his thoughts straight.  "It looked like it would be pretty simple to start off with.  We all bunkered down in our foxholes just waiting.  We knew that the attack would happen as soon as night hit and we were right.  It was just total SNAFU, one minute it looked like we may have em.  One of the other units reported the German's were trying to flank us so we moved men in that direction to stop em."  Bucky could see in his mind just go from bad to worse.  "My LT took a hit, never had a chance.  I called a retreat, hoping we could regroup at the secondary location try to force our way back up."  Bucky could see the men falling to grenades and some from bullets.  "We tried to regroup but our radio was dead.  The next thing we saw was the damn Germans were being taken out by some damn blue ray or something out of a damn science fiction novel.  They just ... I don't know they just scattered into ashes.  The guys all thought it was something that Stark fellow had created for us, but then this damn tank came over the east ridge and pointed to us.

"Next thing we knew we were in this cage who knew where.  We were forced to help them make ... I don't know bombs or something.  They called it V _ alkyrie _ or something like that."  Bucky stood from the bed and started to walk.  He needed to move to clear his head so he could get it all out.  "I don't even know how many we were working on but it was a lot.  Guys were exhausted, falling down, unable to continue.  They didn't exactly let us sleep normal hours, you know.  We were working around the clock.  Think they were on some sort of schedule."  

"Do you know if there was any idea on a deadline or anything," Steve asked.  He hated this, hated the pain he was seeing in his friend's face but he knew he had to ask.  He had to get the information out, and as Bucky said now was not the time for them to be 'friends', now was the time for information.  The healing could start once this part was over.  

Bucky paused in his pacing and glanced down at his hands as he tried to remember what they had discussed when they were allowed 'rest'.  "I had a group of guys trying to get whatever information we could.  Locations, number of men, distances, weapons... I don't even remember if we were able to find out just what we were doing.  My main concern was getting us out of there."

Steve wanted to reach over and lay a hand on Bucky's shoulder but knew it wouldn't be welcome at that moment, so he just moved on to the next part.  "Then what happened?"

"We got word that more men were coming in.  We lost a few between them being taken to the 'research' area and others who just couldn't handle it and were beaten for not producing what they wanted us to.  We tried so damn hard to cover for those who were too hurt or sick but we couldn't get to everyone."  Bucky sat back down on the bed and stared down at his hands.  "Well one day, the damn Hydra goons were trying to take one of the guys off the line to 'research' and I guess I lost it.  Stepped in and started to beat my way out of it, tried to get their attention off of him and onto me."  Bucky could only laugh slightly knowing where it had ultimately ended him.  "Guess it worked too.  Next thing I know I woke up on that damn table you found me on."

Steve felt his heart break a little at hearing the tale so far, but he knew even though he wanted to call it all quits to allow Bucky the chance to stay silent he couldn't.  "What do you remember of your time there?"

Bucky closed his eyes and leaned back slightly.  This was the part he couldn't get his mind around, couldn't understand.  "They never fucking asked any questions.  I was the leading NCO but not once did they fucking ask me anything.  I just kept giving them my damn name, rank and service number you know.  But not once..."  Bucky took a deep breath and stared at the far wall of the tent.  "They injected me with something.  What I have no damn clue." He began, the whole time and pain running again through him as he felt himself start to shake.  "I fucking felt like I was on fire.  I have no clue what they were trying to do, or what their end game was, but ... not once did they ask me anything.  Just going on about phases you know?  Time for Phase two, or whatever."

Steve watched as Bucky tried to calm himself, as he tried to come to terms with whatever they had done to him.  Steve wasn't sure he wanted to push the issue yet.  Maybe one day, but for right now he had learned enough to satisfy he higher ups.  Bucky had given no information, he had not betrayed his country for they had not even asked him anything, of that Steve was sure of.  "Is there anything you remember overhearing, anything at all that would be of interest?"  Steve asked trying to bring Bucky back from his memories.  He knew that Bucky would suffer for a while from whatever they had subjected him to in that small room, but Steve couldn't in good conscious make Bucky relive it.  He had to bring him back, back to the present.  

"Um.. yeah."  Bucky took another deep breath and let it out slowly, reminding himself that he wasn't in that small room, that he was safe back at home base.  "I overheard them talking about moving the weapons.  They didn't say where but once the weapons we were helping them put together that damn V _ alkyrie _ thing were done they were moving them to another location."  Bucky let out a long sigh as he once again bent forward to lay his elbows upon his knees.  "The only other thing I remember before you came was some talk about a special project, something called Soldier something.  I don't know.  I was a little out of it at the time."

Steve stood and walked over to Bucky to place his hand on his friend's shoulder.  He had enough to please the senior staff and now it was time to stop being a superior officer and start being a friend.  The type of friend that Bucky needed.  "That's good enough for me.  Interrogation over," he said with a small smile as he sat down on the bed beside Bucky.  "Do you want to tell me how you feel or are you fine," he said and a part of him wanted to demand to know what Bucky was feeling for just getting a good look at him Steve could tell he wasn't. 

"Is this Steve talking or.."

Steve reached over and grabbed a bottle of whisky off of the side table he had - a gift from the Colonel for a job well done.  Pouring two cups he handed one over to Bucky with a small smile, then got up and removed his uniform jacket.  "There, Captain Rogers just left.  It's just me, Buck."

Bucky looked down at the amber liquid in the cup, trying to find the answers he needed in there.  But Bucky knew from experience that alcohol wouldn't have the answers, it only caused problems.  "You know for the first time in my life, I can understand the appeal my dad had to this stuff," he cringed as he downed the little bit in his cup and set it to the side.  He couldn't stay still, especially not with Steve so close.  "I feel... I don't know... off, like I'm not really here.  Like I'm not really me.  I feel like I'm ready to jump out of my own skin and... even my damn hair feels funny," he cursed running his hand through his hair.  "They could have shot me full of damn morphine or penicillin for all I know but... I don't know, Steve."

As much as Steve wanted to go to Bucky and pull him into a hug he knew it would not be welcome, so he just leaned forward hoping that Bucky would understand.  "We'll get to the bottom of it, Bucky.  I swear.  They will pay for what they have done and tell us what they did to you if it's the last thing I do."

Bucky could only laugh and shake his head.  "Because you're Captain America, America's new hope."

Steve shook his head staring at Bucky.  "Because I'm Steve Rogers, kid from Brooklyn and best friend to James Bucky Barnes.  We're in this together, Buck.  This," he said as he waved his hand down his body, "doesn't change that."

Bucky reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of smokes he luckily had been given by one of the guys and lit one up.  He figured it was better than grabbing the bottle from Steve and drinking the whole thing.  He couldn't allow himself to go there, he wanted to keep a clear head at that moment, well as clear as he could with the constant fog in his brain.  "So... this," he asked waving his own hand to Steve.  "I can take a guess.  When I was in training, I heard things.  A Super Soldier experiment.  Never put much faith in it, figured what stupid idiot would subject themselves to testing by the government?"

Steve had to look away from Bucky, knowing he was just that idiot.  "It wasn't like that, Buck.  I knew what I was getting into. Dr. Erskine explained it all to me, I went into it with my eyes wide open."

"And they knew everything," Bucky tried to explain.  "It was a damn experiment, Steve.  Somehow I don't think they knew everything.  I mean hell, look at the last person who went through it.  You remember him right.. damn Red Skull?"

"Bucky..."

"No, Steve.  I... shit," Bucky sat down on the chair at the desk and looked his friend over, trying to find anything that showed signs of the same thing he had seen in that factory.  "You said it is permanent, right? I mean are we sure.  You're out here fighting now, I don't see them letting you go back to whatever it was you were doing. What if all the sudden it goes away, and you go back to what you were.  It's not safe, Steve.  You could be hurt or worse killed is that what you want?"

"That won't happen."  Steve had known that Bucky would look to a possible bad side of it all, that he would worry about what the side effects would be.  "This didn't change who I am, in here," Steve said placing his hand on his heart.  "Or in here," pointing to his mind.  "It just changed the outside.  I'm still Steve, the one you've known all your life.  Just... Well at least I won't have to worry about another asthma attack."

"Well at least there's one plus," Bucky replied in a way grateful that Steve wouldn't have to deal with all of that anymore.  He wouldn't have to see Steve struggle to breath, and hopefully Bucky wouldn't have to watch as the last rites were read on his friend.  But he still wasn't sure if it all wouldn't come back.  "It's just that we don't know Steve.  What did it change?  I mean really?  I guess I have seen enough since being in, that I can't be sure that I can trust what they say."

"If that happens, we'll deal with it.  Together just like always.  You're stuck with me, pal.  If you want," Steve asked for that was the whole point of it all.  He wasn't sure what he would do if Bucky decided it wasn't worth it, that Steve had lied to him and went behind his back.  It was his main fear since becoming what he was now, that Bucky would feel so betrayed that he couldn't be his friend anymore.

"You said I was taking all the stupid with me, but let me tell you, this tops the cake," Bucky shook his head and laughed.  "You go and do that, then decide that it is an ok idea to go behind enemy lines without back-up or extraction team," Bucky swallowed the rest of his drink and stood.  He needed sleep, they both did.  "Till the end of the line, pal.  It's what we always said.  Besides, someone has to make sure you don't do anything stupid again.  Just know that first damn sign of an attack or another dumb rescue mission, I'm kicking your ass."

~~~***~~~***

 


	2. Part 2

~~~***~~~***

It was two days later in which the Colonel had all the men who had been captured sent back to London.  Bucky was sitting next to Dugan and Jones on the plane as Steve was sitting near the front with that one dame Bucky couldn't remember her name but he had seen the two often talking with the Colonel about ... well whatever.  "Not sure how I feel about going back to the rain and cold, but I can say at least we'll have some nice downtime," Dugan said with his head tilted back against the cold metal of the plane.

Bucky laughed and tried to get comfortable, it was a long fight from Italy to London.  "I just wish these damn nets were more comfortable. I could definitely use some sleep."

"The docs finally clear you, Sarge?  I swear you have been there every day since we got back," Jones asked stealing a glance over at the two men beside him.

Bucky let out a long breath.  There was no denying he had spent more than what he felt was needed with the doctors as of late.  Each time questions were asked, blood was drawn,  Bucky felt like he was one of those damn pin cushions he used to see Mrs. Johnson with.  He knew why he was being 'checked up on'.  Steve had been worried about what Hydra had injected him with and besides a little lack of sleep and a slight fever he felt at times, Bucky felt fine.  Well better at least.  He didn't feel like he wanted to crawl out of his skin all the time so he put it off as getting better.  "They can't find anything that could be wrong.  Personally I think they just want to see what if anything those Hydra guys were working on.  I told em it felt like they just drugged me.  I feel fine."

Dugan could only shrug as he pulled his helmet down across his eyes.  "Sort of surprising they are even bothering. Most they just ask if they are ok and leave it alone.  Must be the whole Hydra thing.  Who are these guys anyway?"

Bucky shrugged himself still trying to understand all that had happened to them since that night.  "We were going out after some German commander and ended up in a Science Fiction dime novel.  Whoever this guy is, he's bad news.  I'm not sure which is worse Hitler and his hit squads or this guy and ... whatever he is planning.  Those were some nasty looking weapons they had us working on."

"Aint never seen a weapon just blow a man to ashes before, I'll tell you that.  Makes you wonder just what those bombs will do," Jones returned asking what they all had been wondering about since they had laid eyes on the massive bombs in the factory.  All wondering just what they had - albeit against their will, but had helped to build.  

"Bet Phillips will do something about it, or at least get his little crew on it.  He doesn't seem to be the type of man who likes not knowing."  Dugan glanced around at the others on the plane.  "Bet they have that Captain at the front of it all."  Turning his head over toward Bucky he tapped him on the shoulder.  "You never did tell us how you know him."

Bucky shrugged and glanced down the plane again at Steve and Agent Carter.  "Grew up together in Brooklyn.  Nothing much else to say."  Bucky leaned his head back against the mesh and closed his eyes.  "Now, since I have been barely able to sleep with all the damn racket you make at night, I'm gonna catch some serious z's."  Now that he had convinced the others to let him 'sleep', Bucky began to make a list in his head.  He hadn't been telling Steve nor the doctors the truth, telling everyone he was fine.  However, Bucky knew he was beyond fine.  He felt different, he just wasn't sure yet what it all meant.

His hearing and eyesight were better.  He had hoped to be able to test his theory when they arrived in London.  Even touch was different for him, but it wasn't different with everyone only one.  That was the problem, in all honesty.  Bucky wasn't sure if he felt different around Steve because of the changes to him or if it was something to do with whatever that Zola guy had done to Bucky while at the factory.  Bucky knew he would have to keep track of all these differences within himself and around Steve, he had to be sure he wouldn't be a danger to Steve when it came down to it all.  

Once the plane landed, Bucky was once again asked to visit medical for one final round of tests, which he had expected.  London would have more ability to test him than the field docs would, but didn't mean he had to like it.  'Yes, he felt fine', 'No he didn't know what he was injected with', 'He had no problems eating or breathing,' 'No really he DID feel fine' over and over again.  Bucky was tired of answering the same questions over and over and tired of all the tests.  He felt like if one more person stuck him with a needle and took any more blood from him, he would sock one of them right in the damn nose.  "Really, how many times do I have to say it.  I feel fine, are we done," he gritted his teeth and glared at the doc who was the latest in a long line of doctors.   Bucky rolled his sleeve back down over his arm and stood.  "Look I promise, if I feel strange or something changes I will come back, but there's nothing wrong with me.  I am fine.  And frankly I am done, if you want any more of my blood come take it from me, but I'll have to be unconscious or dead."

Grabbing his jacket and gear, Bucky stormed out of the office and started toward the main entrance.  He barely even acknowledged anyone on his way out until he saw his path blocked by Steve.  "Everything ok, Buck?"

Bucky had to take a deep breath and bite his lip to keep him from lashing out.  "Can I say I am so sick and tired of everyone asking me that question.  I. Am. Fine."  At least Bucky had felt fine until Steve reached out to touch him.  For some reason Bucky suddenly felt almost hot, but there was a calmness as well that he always knew was there whenever Steve was around him even before all this mess.  But the heat and the sudden rush of... something running under his skin was new.  Mostly new if he was honest with himself.  "Am I dismissed Captain," he asked needing to get out of that place, away from the doctors and as much as he hated to admit it - away from Steve until he could figure out what was going on with him.  

Steve stepped off to the side slightly to lean against the wall and smile at Bucky.  "You can go whenever you want, Buck, I won't stop you.  But, listen... do you think that the guys who we were with on the way back would want to help if we were to go after Hydra and Schmidt?"

Bucky laughed, "You can try, but let me say if they do, they're idiots."

Steven could only nod at that, the whole thing was a little idiotic.  "Drink later?"

Bucky could only smile back at Steve, cause no matter what was going on, the man standing in front of him was his best friend.  "Yeah.  I'll be at the pub down the way.  Figure I'll just put what blood they took out of me and replace it with some nice damn whisky or something."  Looking over his shoulder, Bucky spotted Agent Carter and others staring at them.  "Looks like you're fan club awaits.  Gives me a few hours head start, hope you can catch up."  Tapping Steve on the shoulder, Bucky left the building.  He wanted to just forget for one night cause who knew where he would be, come morning.

~~~***~~~***

Bucky was sitting in the back of the small pub when Steve walked in.  He spotted most of the men who had been at Azzano all gathered around one table for which Steve was grateful.  It would make it easier than having to try to hunt them down.  "Gentlemen, may I?"

"Go right ahead, Captain." Dugan said as he downed half of his beer.  

Steve looked around the table and he could see a team, these men from all walks of life, from all across the world had created a small group.  Steve could tell that already they were close, each having shared in an experience that no one should have had to go through.  He knew no matter what they would be there for each other as the war went on, and it seemed already like they were forging bonds that would last long after the war.  "I have a proposition, and you can say no if you want."  Steve began and laid it all out on the line.  Part of him hated asking these men to follow him, to return back into the thick of things and go after Hydra, but he couldn't think of any men better.  He had read their files and he knew that these men would met all his needs.  He wanted the best and this small group was the best as far as he could see, he just hated asking them to go back after they had just escaped that hell.

"So let's get this straight," Dugan began staring across the table at Steve in disbelief.  He wasn't sure exactly if he had heard right.

Evidently Jones was thinking the same thing as he quickly looked at the others then back at the Captain.  "We barely got out of there alive, and you want us to go back?"

Steve almost looked down at the table still wondering if he was doing the right thing or if he was asking too much from these men.  Steve could only shrug slightly and sheepishly answer with a yes.  Falsworth was twisting his wrist and gave Steve a smile.  "Sounds rather, fun actually."

Steve could only smile back a little as Morita, Gabe and Dernier all agreed as well.  He glanced back over at Dugan and wondered his take.  "Hell, I'll always fight. But you gotta do one thing for me," Dugan said with a smile as he brought his beer mug up to his lips and drained it empty.   "Open a tab," Steve felt elated and quickly got up to get his men more drinks.  It was the least he could do as he was asking them to once again go back into hell with him.  He was grateful, he couldn't have asked for a group any better than these men.  Each had their own specialty and he knew that together they would make one hell of a fighting force, one that even Hydra would have to think twice about going after.  He was just missing one major element, he thought as he walked toward the back of the pub to where he had seen Bucky.

"See, told you. They're all idiots," Bucky said as he took another sip of the drink in front of him.  

Steve came and sat down beside Bucky and knew that this would be the hardest one of all.  He had a feeling that Bucky would agree to coming with him, but after what Bucky had been through Steve wasn't sure he wanted to ask.  He didn't want to be responsible for anything happening to his friend, but he knew enough to know that without Bucky this whole thing could fail. "How about you? You ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death," he asked, a part of him hoping that Bucky would say no but praying for him to say yes.

"Hell, no," Bucky began and tried not to smile when he saw the shocked look on Steve's face.  "That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight.  I'm following him."  Steve had to look away as he felt his heart beat faster in his chest.  Bucky had said that they were friends still and that he would have his back, but Steve knew well enough that things had changed on so many levels.  He hadn't felt like that little kid from Brooklyn in a long time, hearing Bucky say he would follow him NOT the 'great Captain America,' was actually made all of it worth it.  Bucky knew him, the only one who did really.  For the first time since the serum, Steve felt like he was actually still the same guy.  Bucky however leaned over as if he had to share a secret.  " But you're keeping the outfit, right?"

Steve reached over and grabbed himself a glass, looked at Bucky then over to the Promotional poster on the fall wall.  "You know what? It's kind of grown on me."

The two could only smile at each other as they listened to the men as they were singing in the other room.  As the singing started to stop, both turned to the doorway of the small back room and spotted Peggy walking in.  "Captain."

Steve stood and straightened his uniform.  Peggy was the only other one besides Bucky who had known him before he had become 'Captain America' and who also treated him the same.  He had a lot of respect for her, and Steve had to admit she looked... different in the red dress she was wearing. "Agent Carter."

Bucky also stood and smiled at Peggy as she came in.  Trying to give his best smile, he greeting her, quickly realizing that she only had eyes for Steve.  "Howard has some equipment for you to try."  Bucky could only look between Steve and Peggy trying not to smile at how uncomfortable Steve was still around women.  For some reason however, Bucky wasn't sure he liked the attention she was paying Steve, and he suddenly felt ashamed and still protective of Steve.  

Bucky remembered he used to do well with the dames and if she had her eye on Steve, well Bucky wanted to make sure if nothing else she wouldn't hurt his friend.  No one would be allowed to do that, if Bucky had any say in the matter. They could hear the men singing loudly in the other room still, 'prepping' some could say for the coming mission.  Bucky knew that it was the way his men worked.  "You don't like music?"  If nothing else Bucky had to see for himself that he hadn't changed as much as he thought he had, that what he had been feeling the past few days toward Steve wasn't effecting who he had been, or at least who he always believed he was.

"I do, actually. I might even, when this is all over, go dancing.  0800, Captain," she repeated as she turned with one last glance at Steve and left the room.  

"I'm invisible. I'm turning into you. It's like a horrible dream," he said.  He was happy that Steve had someone, or could possibly have someone.  Someone who by all it seemed could treat him right and Bucky wanted Steve to be happy.  There was that strange part of him however, that had been brewing the past few days that was screaming that no one but him was good enough for Steve.  It had to be some horrible dream, it couldn't be real, could it?

Steve wrapped his arm around Bucky's shoulder and dragged them back to the bar.  "Don't take it so hard. Maybe she's got a friend."  Steve stole one last glance over to the door that Peggy had walked out and shook his head.  Something was different since he arrived in Italy and the rescue of Bucky and the men.  He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was going on.  Steve just wasn't sure if it was Bucky or Peggy.  

Bucky was lost in his own thoughts, he felt flush and as much as he hated to admit it when he had watched Peggy and Steve staring at each other he had felt a rush of anger.  He shouldn't, Steve wasn't his and Steve should be able to finally get the dame after all the crap the ones would give him over the years.  Shaking his head, Bucky reached over and filled both their drinks.  "To having a friend," he said in salute downing the drink in one go.  "But I tell you Steve, I don't know what perfume she wears but .... wow."

Steve stole a glance over at Bucky and frowned.  "I didn't smell any.  She doesn't really seem the type, you know."

Bucky looked over at Steve and it hit him.  He had been smelling something, something that was making him feel hot and not allowing him to think straight. It couldn't be, he thought to himself.  Standing Bucky set his glass down on the counter and tried to gather his wits about him.  He needed to think and he knew that with Steve next to him it would be impossible.  "Well, pal, think I'm gonna hit the rack.  Sounds like we'll have a couple of busy days ahead of us."

Steve reached over and placed his hand on Bucky's arm, "You sure you're ok? It's not normal for you to turn in early."

Bucky could only turn and look at Steve, "Yeah, I'm fine.  Must be all the damn blood they've drained from me.  I'll see you in the morning."  Bucky made his way out of the pub as quickly as he could without anyone thinking he was actually running.  Once outside, he walked down the street and around the corner to where the men had been placed.  He moved around to the side alley and sat down, trying to catch his breath.  "What the hell did they do to me," he asked.  He always knew he had loved Steve and at times his feelings were not always the most 'appropriate' in anyone's eyes, but this went far beyond that.  It wasn't just protectiveness of Steve that had brought the anger deep within him at seeing Steve and Peggy flirt.  Something had changed, drastically changed and all Bucky could feel now was this intense need to own Steve, to mark him.  

Never had he felt this way and Bucky could only guess that it had something to do with whatever Hydra and that Dr. Zola did to him.  There was no other explanation.  He was able to pass it off the past few days as him just not feeling right after what had happened, the slight fever, need to be around Steve, to touch.  He just figured it was because he hadn't seen Steve in a year and the need to feel something besides pain.  But Bucky was beginning to wonder.  He knew he was half hard from when Steve had wrapped his arm around his shoulder but it wasn't the first time.  Just now all the feelings he had toward Steve had intensified to where he couldn't just ignore it.  

But he had to, he told himself.  It wasn't right, this feeling.  It was just a byproduct of whatever they had done to him and he could just ignore it like he had when they were growing up.  He could find a dame and ease the tension while Steve finally and hopefully got himself is own gal.  All of this would pass, he told himself over and over.  It had to.  

But as Bucky closed his eyes, willing himself calm, all he saw was Steve's eyes looking at him.

~~~***~~~***

Steve was still with Stark when the rest of the men came into the secret base.  "Well, well this must be the rest of the team," Howard called out from behind a table going over the designs for Cap's uniform.  "Just wait there, gentlemen and we'll be right with you."

The men all looked at each other then started to walk around the room.  They were surrounded by weapons, armor, any type of special top secret project they had ever hoped to see and never thought they would.  "Look at this baby," Gabe said to Dugan as the two stopped at one of the tables covered in guns.  "What I would do with a gun like that."

The weapon looked like a 50 cal but so much more, and Gabe couldn't help but admire the beauty of the thing.  "That, my friend, is the latest in the line of 50 cal machine guns," Howard stated as he picked up the weapon and handed it over.  "Light weight, improved accuracy by 60 percent, quick load.  Will be able to take out a whole battalion before you even have to worry about reloading.  This baby uses tank piercing casing with a little extra bang if you catch my meaning."  Howard watched as Gabe lifted the gun and tested the weight.  "Howard Stark, at your service, gentlemen.  It is my job to make sure you have everything you need."

Bucky glanced over and turned his attention back to one of the sniper rifles on the table.  Lifting it up he tested the weight.  "Barrel's bent," Bucky said with a small smile.  "And the scope is left about half a degree."

"Everyone's a critic," Howard could only shake his head and reach for the rifle in Bucky's hand.  "Thomson, fix this," he handed the gun off to one of his assistants as he reached for the rifle next to it.  "Now this baby is may look like your average  Enfield 303, but let me tell you..." Stark began to go over all the specs of the weapon to Bucky showing him scopes and everything else that came with it.  

Steve could only smile as he watched his team get equipped with all the gear they would need.   Each asking their own questions to the techs around, offering ideas for changes.  These men, Steve knew, were the best at what they did and if trusted anyone to know what they needed it would be them.  Glancing at the clock on the far wall, Steve walked over to them all.  "Colonel Phillips wants to go over what we will be doing, we'll make a list of everything and come back when we're done there."

"Have a seat, men," the Colonel stated as soon as they all stepped into the room.  They all found a seat around the large table, a map laid out in front of them.  "This is what we are after.  From what we have gathered, and everything that Captain Rogers was able to discover from the factory you were all held at, these are the locations of Schmidt's weapons factories.  We do know that there are more out there and it will be your mission to not only take each one of these out but to find their main base."

"They made sure to keep that location silent from us when we were there," Dugan added glancing around the table and getting nods in return.  "Trust me, we tried."

Bucky nodded knowing full well what the men around him had tried hard to get any and all information they had on their captors.  It was just luck that they had been rescued.  "All I ever heard was that it was deep into enemy territory, hidden.  Zola wasn't real careful what he said thinking I was out of it, but I never caught a name or location.  All I know is that they said it was well hidden and all the bombs were going there once they were finished."

"The main question is what do they plan to do with all those bombs, what is their end plan?" Falsworth glanced at the table, trying to see if he could find a pattern but realized there seemed to be no real pattern to where the bases they knew about and the possible secret base.  "Is whatever is being planned something that Hitler even knows about, is it something we may be able to gather from normal Nazi channels?"

Steve shook his head. "Somehow I get the feeling that Schmidt and Hydra are working behind Hitler's back."

Bucky glanced over at Steve and nodded, it had been the same thing that had been going through his mind since the two had run into Schmidt.  "He thinks he's a damn God or something. Practically bragged about it, about how they were more than human, that they were the next evolution.  I think he feels that even Nazi Germany is just a small fish in a big pond.  Whatever Valkyrie is, he's planning something bigger. Man's too damn cocky to think that just Europe is all he wants."

Philips nodded to one of the men around the table, making sure that the proper notes were being taken, and they had a direction to go in their intelligence gathering.  "Assuming, and I have no doubt that you're all correct, but if Schmidt is after more than just Europe we need to find out what and stop him.  Best way is get to these bases, take them out.  Main goal is to stop the weapons production and intelligence gathering.  I want to have Schmidt taken off the map and I want him off it now."

They spent most of the day coming up with a plan to hit the bases in a random order so not to have a pattern that Schmidt and his men could follow.   The rest of the day was spent with Howard, getting weapons and gear.  Steve couldn't help checking once in a while over to Bucky, worried after how quickly his friend had left the night before.  He couldn't fault Bucky for wanting to catch up on sleep, but Steve could still see the dark circles under his friend's eyes and worried about him.  

Steve left the room and walked over to where the doctors were, hoping that he wouldn't attract any attention.  He didn't want anyone to think that he was concerned about Bucky or how he would be able to deal with the mission ahead cause he knew deep down that Bucky would do everything he needed to do for the sake of the mission.  Bucky wouldn't jeopardize the team and if something was wrong no matter how much he would say he was fine if it would put the others at risk, Steve knew that Bucky would back out.  But it didn't stop him from worrying.  "Doc," Steve began once he was far enough from any prying ears that may be around.  "I was wondering how the tests were going?  Did they find anything with Sergeant Barnes that could ..."

The doc shook his head and shrugged.  "Sergeant Barnes is in perfect health, a little malnourished, slight elevated blood pressure and body temp.  White blood cell count is a little high but all of that is to be expected with the conditions they had to live under.  I'd say that Sergeant Barnes is one hundred percent fit for duty.  He could use with a little sleep, but I'm sure that will come."

Steve was grateful and felt slightly bad for asking.  It had been just what Bucky had told him, there was nothing wrong with them.  "Thank you, doc."  Steve made his way back to the 'vault' and leaned against the wall watching the men move around the room.  Bucky had spotted him standing there and made his way over.  "You seem to get along with Howard pretty well."

"He's alright, a little arrogant but I guess that is normal," Bucky said as he leaned back against the wall next to Steve.  "I think he'll get us everything we need and then some.  Shouldn't be long before we can move out and start kicking some Hydra ass."  Bucky turned slightly to face Steve and sighed.  "I know that look, Stevie and you can stop.  I'm fine.  Nothing a little more sleep won't help, but then I'm sure the doc over there told you."

Steve knew he had a guilty look on his face and shrugged.  "You know if I hadn't checked, Phillips would have.  I just ... We don't know what they did to you there and I want to make sure that we won't get any surprises is all.  You ran out of the pub rather quick last night."

Bucky shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest.  "You know how it is, they took enough damn blood out of me guess the alcohol hit me harder than I had thought.  Last thing I wanted was to be dragged to my rack, you know?"  Bucky didn't mention how when he had left after coming to the realization of what he had been feeling he found the first dame he could find.  It had helped but still didn't ease the tension coiling around in the middle of his chest.  Throughout the meeting he had felt some of the tension ease slightly whenever Steve would accidently brush against him, which only caused to confuse Bucky more.  "So you and Agent Carter?"

Steven lowered his head and ran his hand over his face.  "Bucky..."

"Come on, Steve, I know you've always been shy around the dames and all but I can tell.  She likes you."  Bucky had decided when he woke up from the little sleep he had gotten and after his epic fail the night before, Steve deserved better.  He deserved to be with someone -preferable of the female sort - and as far away from Bucky as possible.  Steve had always been the better one of the two Bucky didn't want Steve to be brought  into his sick mind, or sicker mind now than before.  Plus maybe if he pushed Steve and Peggy together then maybe just maybe these strange feelings within himself would disappear.  Somehow he doubted it but he knew for Steve's sake he would try.  

"We're friends, that's all." Steve explained stealing a glance over to Bucky trying to tell him to drop it.  "She was one of the ones in charge of the training and the whole.... well you know.  She believes in Dr. Erskine's dream and frankly one of the few who knew me before.  I trust her."

Bucky realized he would have his work cut out for him.  He had to get Steve to see reason and if it was the last thing he did, he would do it.  Steve deserved to be happy, even if it hurt Bucky in return.  "You like her too.  I saw how you looked at her."

Steve moved away from the wall and turned to Bucky.  "Discussion's over, Buck.  How about we see if your time in the factory effected your shooting."

"Ah, deflection.  First sign, pal.  Just you wait," Bucky said as he followed Steve to the small shooting range in the back of the compound.  Picking up one of the sniper rifles he had been eyeing, Bucky laid down on the ground and started to adjust the scope.  "You have never seen me shoot have you?"

"Not many chances in Brooklyn, and we didn't run into too much resistance on the way back to base.  I might as well know my team's strengths," Steve said with a smile.  "I have read your file, Buck.  Top sniper of the 107th, maybe best in the Army."

Bucky knew he was good, always had been, but the best he wasn't so sure about.  "You're biased, pal."

"Let's see," Steve saw some of Howard's men lining up shots and using the range to test some of the weapons, but as Bucky had stated he had never once seen Bucky shoot a gun.  Steve watched fascinated by how Bucky prepared the gun in his hands, checking that everything was perfect.  How still he was as he began to line up his shot, not moving a single muscle.  Steve didn't even realize Bucky had fired until he had heard the shot right through the head of the target.  Just watching Bucky caused Steve's heart to beat a little faster in his chest and his breathing to speed up.  It was beautiful in the pure deadliness of it all.  "What is your farthest distance?"

"Two, way I look at it anyone can hit at 1000 if they are worth their weight in beans, but a good sniper well two then we'll talk.  Most of the training they tried to give us was 400 for body shot, 200 for head, but some of us sort of took it upon ourselves to follow the English way," Bucky explained.  The US technically didn't feel that snipers would be too good out in the 'real war' but with the CO Bucky had his class had worked more with the English training manuals and the skill set they required.  "In reality, Steve, for the most part when it comes to this, the English and French have the snipers.  Few from the Army training were trained for range."

"Always an overachiever," Steve laughed shaking his head.  "Must be why you are the best the Army has huh?"

Bucky shrugged as he got up off the ground.  "It isn't easy that's for damn sure.  But my CO he stressed the English way.  Distance, blending in, taught us everything we needed to know.  The German's have some great snipers and he said if we couldn't match them and be equal with the English and French we would fall to bottom of the food chain.  We'd get lost in the shuffle."  Bucky shook his head running his hand through his hair.  "I tell you, Steve, the guy was a hard ass.  He would pick a damn target two thousand meters away and if we missed it would be stuck there until we got at least 5 solid hits.  He wanted the best, wanted us better than the others and he would do whatever he could to make us the best."

Steve began to admire Bucky's training CO even more.  He had heard the effectiveness of the snipers for the English and French resistance, also the Russians and Germans.  He couldn't understand why the US didn't put too much faith in them, or didn't think that their effectiveness would work, but Steve was determined to help change their minds.  With Bucky on lookout, Steve was sure that it would all work out.  "Two thousand huh?  We'll have to put that to the test one day."

Bucky laughed and swung his arm around Steve's shoulder.  "Well first I'm damn hungry after being here all damn day and second, if you want me to do any good at being a lookout then that Stark fellow better get me a better scope.  This one is shit."

~~~***~~~***

It took a week for all the gear to be made and approved by everyone, another two weeks to train together as a team, then by the first of the year they were out in the field.  Everything was going smoothly, they had taken out one Hydra base with ease.  Inside they had found over 100 men being held and working on the latest set of bombs.  They gathered up all the intel they could, placed all the hostages into trucks and blew up the base.  No one was shot or injured it ended up being complete textbook, which Steve was grateful for on their first real test.  The team worked together like they had been for years.

On their way to the second base, they immediately knew that word had already spread to Hydra and the base had more guards than expected.  Luckily Dernier had been able to set the bombs around the majority of the vehicles and they all detonated at the same time eliminating the chance to escape.  While the explosions were going off outside, Morita snuck inside and began to free the prisoners trapped inside and supply them all with weapons.  It didn't take long for Hydra to realize that they were surrounded and they attempted to destroy as much information as they could before they fell.  

Bucky finally was starting to feel as normal as he could.  He was silently keeping track of the changes he noticed within himself.  His sight was sharper, he was now able to see better at night then he had ever been able to, his hearing crisper, he didn't need as much sleep as he usually did.  All minor things he figured, nothing that screamed that anything was wrong.  And if it made life easier he was all for it.  

Also the whole things with Steve had seemed in part to have calmed.  The sudden rush and need to own wasn't there as much and he wasn't having the fever he had felt originally.  Bucky was starting to think that maybe things were going back to normal, that whatever Zola and Hydra did wouldn't be so bad.  

That was until about two months into this campaign.  

Every once in a while Bucky would once again catch the scent that he had now associated with Steve, but as the days and weeks went on the scent got stronger.  Steve would often go on patrol during the night and after the fourth time, Bucky decided enough was enough.  Steve needed to sleep just as much as the rest of them did.  He followed the path that he had last seen Steve go, heading toward an old abandoned storage shed.  "Steve," he whispered knowing full well that Steve would be able to hear him.  The scent that Bucky had been smelling was painfully strong now, stronger than he had ever experienced before and he had to stop walking and clear his mind.  "Steve?  What the hell?"

"I'm ok Buck, just ... had a cramp," Steve quietly said from around the corner of the shed.  When Bucky came around he saw Steve bent over holding his stomach with sweat coming down his face.  "Just give me a few minutes and I'll be ok."

Bucky quickly moved to Steve's side and knelt down beside him.  "You'll be ok, what the hell Steve.  This seems more than just a damn cramp."

Steve began to try and take a couple of deep breaths and slowly let them out, hoping to ease the pressure that was building and becoming even more noticeable with Bucky standing there.  "Guess there is a little side effect I didn't tell you about.  I didn't notice it at first until about three months into the tour," Steve started to explain still trying to breathe through the pain.  "They say because my metabolism is four times faster than normal I have to take these supplements, they are supposed to help with the cramps and fever."

"How often do you have to take these damn things," Bucky asked wanting to reach out to Steve but he could feel his own body start to react the longer he stayed there.  Somehow Bucky didn't think it was metabolism, but what the hell it was Bucky had no clue.  

"Once a week.  We've been out here and I guess I ran out two weeks ago.  It's never been this bad before," Steve closed his eyes tightly as another wave of pain hit him.  A part of him was screaming at him that Bucky could fix it, that he could make the pain go away, but how Steve didn't know.  He could guess, boy could he guess if the hard on he was supporting was any indication, but it made no sense.  

Bucky reached out and touched Steve's shoulder and immediately was hit with a wave of lust flowing through him.  Quickly he removed his hand and sat down on the ground.  "Steve, I don't think that it has anything to do with metabolism cause... Dammit Stevie.." Bucky glanced up at Steve feeling like everything he had known, everything he had wanted to believe was flying out the damn window.  "Let me guess.  Cramps, these damn hot flashes that can last days, heart feels like it is pounding out of your damn chest, and that damn smell... it is like instant lust and ..."

Steve turned and stared at Bucky in disbelief.  "What?"

"It makes no damn sense, Stevie... I mean I don't have the stuff that they did to you. But damn, since I got back I've felt that. I felt fine for the past couple of weeks, but..."  Bucky tried to explain.

"Why didn't you tell anyone," Steve admonished.  "You said you were fine.  They checked everything out and there was nothing..."

"Cause I felt fine, Steve... Fuck.  I feel fine except for this.  If I had told them they would have kept doing the tests and they weren't finding anything.  And they had you as a damn model.  I don't know what Hydra injected me with but..." Bucky leaned his head against the back of the shed and tried to calm his breathing, while trying to ease the damn rock that had formed between his damn legs.  He had never been so damn hard in his life.  

Steve sat down beside Bucky lightly touching their shoulders together, it seemed to Steve that was one thing that helped ease the pain even if it was causing other issues but at least his head was not focused on pain.  The lust he was feeling, well he would just have to deal with that.  "What are we going to do, Buck?  I think I have an idea how to get rid of the pain but..."

"Yeah, me too.  Before I completely lose my mind, cause I tell you, Steve right now I have one thing on it and it is to make you better, to make it go away."  Bucky closed his eyes again and tried to clear the fog that was starting to fall over him.  "I think we have a couple of options.  One, we high-tail it back to base demand those 'supplements' or whatever the hell they are for both of us and just go about our business like none of this is happening."

Part of Steve knew that would be the best option even if his heart was telling him it was wrong to deny what had in part always been there between them but they were both too damn stubborn to admit it.  "We're about two days out from any extraction point.  This is only going to get worse."

Bucky knew that but he also knew he had to give all the options and let Steve decide.  "Second I go ahead.  It seems better, at least it did for me the farther away we were.  This didn't hit me until I was within about 100 feet, and now... fuck!"  Taking another deep breath, Bucky ran his hands through his hair.  "So I go on ahead, we separate for a few days and see how it goes.  When this hit you while you were on tour, how long did these symptoms last?"

Steve thought back to the first time.  He had kept that one silent and it wasn't until the second time he had felt the cramps that he had thought anything was wrong.  "About three days," Steve answered.  "Granted it has never been this bad."

"Ok, good.  So I can go on ahead say a day or half a day ahead of you guys... scout it out and by the time we reach the next base we should be ok, right," Bucky asked.  "The only other option I know is ... well, Steve I don't know if that one is the best."  They both know what the last option was and they both knew that out in the middle of the damn warzone, and with how pansies were thought of, it could mean the end of both of them.  If not their lives then at least their military career.  

Steve knew what his body and his heart were saying but his mind was telling him to do the sensible thing, the 'right' thing.  "Ok, we've been out here for over two months, three bases are already gone.  Best option would be to head back to London look over the Intel and see where we need to go next.  Think we all need a break anyway."

Bucky could only nod, it wasn't a choice he wanted deep down but he knew it was the best.  Neither one was thinking clearly.  "Well just try and handle this," Bucky stated as he waved his hand between them.  

Steve nodded and took another deep breath, "Yeah, it has eased some just sitting here, at least for me."

Bucky was glad for that little bit of good news, "I never had such blue balls before in my life," he laughed.  

"Any idea what we tell them on why we both need supplements since it seems that you don't want them to know," Steve asked accusingly wishing Bucky had been upfront about it all.  But then again Steve hadn't been completely upfront with Bucky either.  

"I'm sure we can come up with something.  I just don't want to be under a damn microscope, Steve.  I've had enough of that the past few months and I just can't.  Ok?"  Bucky hated that he was begging but he didn't think he could become another experiment, another test subject.  If the supplements worked then they could put it all behind them and go on pretending that this never happened.  

~~~***~~~***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part I tried to get into the whole Alpha/Omega Verse. The biggest difference is of course Steve and Bucky due to the serums (or experiments) they are the only two and have no clue what is going on. Al they know is that they had feelings before but never understood them, and now for some reason they are drawn to each other and they are trying to fight it. Steve has a better clue since he had been through a 'heat' before while he was on the road and they had supplied him with suppressants, even if they hadn't called them that. Hopefully I was able to pull off what I see for them.


	3. Part 3

~~~***~~~***

It was two days before they arrived back at the London headquarters and Steve found that despite the demand to eliminate all the bases, Phillips understood the need for the men to take a rest as well so it was an easy sell.  After a stop off at both Stark to get some repairs done on his uniform and at the doctors to get another supply of 'supplements' Steve headed back over to the main command center. Steve looked over the map and already spotted some new locations all across the board as he studied it.  "Do we know what these new locations are," he asked Peggy who was standing by the map.  

Peggy moved around the table the map was sitting on and came over to him.  "The Intel you men retrieved from the last location indicated these," she said pointing to some of the new areas.  "Weapons depots.  We can only guess that these may hold if not the bombs the men described from their capture then at least some other top priority weaponry.  If we can get our hands on some of those weapons, Howard can try and determine how to counteract them.  At least that is the hope.  You're lucky that you decided to come back now," she smiled at him.  "Just from the three bases you have hit, the amount of Intel we have been able to decode we have been able to unravel some of the mystery that is Hydra."

"Like," Steve asked as he continued to look at the map.

"Sergeant Barnes and yourself were right in your assessment.  Hydra has in part broken away from the Nazi party so to speak and are operating completely without Hitler's approval.  We believe that, according to some of the reports you were able to gather, that Berlin is on the 'list'.  The only problem is we are unsure what this list is for."  Peggy lead Steve over to another table that had pieces of the Intelligence laid upon it.  "We know so far of three cities here in Europe on this list, and we have word that there are others possibly in the US as well.  We have no confirmation on that right now, but we know now that we are looking at some major strike against almost every major city."

"And we believe that those bombs they are having the POWs help build have something to do with it.  A massive strike," Steve nodded.  He had guess that would be the case since there had to be a reason behind bombs as big as they had been making.  "No word yet on the main base?"

Peggy could only shake her head, that had been the hardest part of it all.  If they could strike the main facility then all of this could be over and done with.  "Nothing concrete.  But we have a couple of leads and will let you know as soon as we get something."  Peggy looked over at Steve and laid her hand on his shoulder.  "You, Captain, look like you could use the rest, however."

Steve nodded, not remembering when he had last really slept.  The past couple of days has been pain that Bucky could only help so much.  Steve headed out of the building and began to make his way over to the Enlisted quarters, before he did anything else he knew he had to give Bucky s shot of this supplement he had.  Whatever it was that was effecting them both, Steve knew that this would help, or at least it had before.  He only wished that Bucky would agree to seeing the doctors about it, but he understood why Bucky was so reluctant.  

On the other hand, Steve needed to talk to Bucky.  After Bucky had found him and they had agreed to returning to London they rarely had spoken to each other, both trying to stay away and only talking when it was needed.  Steve knew the men thought there was an argument between them but it was as far from the truth as possible.  Something had changed between the two men, just what Steve wasn't sure.  All he knew was that they had to talk about it, try and figure out what was going on and where to go from there.  Steve checked the front desk of the NCO barracks and they informed him that Bucky wasn't there.  Letting out a deep sigh, Steve turned around and made his way down the street to his own barracks.  He figured he would have better luck hunting down his friend after he got a good night's rest.  At least he hoped he would.  

Steve turned the corner and spotted Bucky leaning against the wall near the entrance with a cigarette to his lips.  "Figured you might finally realize that even the great 'Captain America' needed sleep, well at least I had hoped you would," Bucky said with a smile.  

Steve shook his head realizing that they both had been on the same belief just both heading to the wrong building.  "Have you gotten any sleep," Steve asked as he moved to stand next to Bucky taking in the dark circles that seemed to be a fixed thing on Bucky's face since he had been held by Hydra.

Bucky could only laugh a little as he put out his cigarette.  "Sleep is over-rated. I'll get plenty when I'm dead right?"  Steve lead Bucky up to his room and they both moved to sit on opposite sides.  "Guess what they say about Officers having the nicer rooms is true.  I have to share a damn room with three others, and let's not talk about the showers.  Granted it is better here than out in the field so shouldn't complain.  Hell better than some of the hellholes we lived in back in Brooklyn."

Steve leaned back in the chair at his desk and ran his hand through his hair.  "Bucky, we need to talk."

Bucky bent forward, his elbows on his knees and looked down at the floor.  "Yeah, pal.  We do."  Looking up at Steve, he looked for any signs of what he had seen on his friend a few days prior.  "You doing ok now?  No more cramps?"

Steve nodded and pulled out the supply of medication the doctors had given him.  "Yeah, these helped clear up the last of it anyway.  They told me that before we shipped out again they would make sure I had enough to take care of it while we're out."  

Bucky took one of the small pills and looked it over.  "You do know that these aren't supplements, no matter what they tell you.  I have no damn clue what it is, but it sure as hell isn't that."

"Bucky, it would be easier if you just went to the doctors.  Something is happening here and it will be easier if they had both of us.  I'll be right there with you, but we need to figure this out."  Steve tried again.  He hated the thought that something was wrong, even if whatever this was that was going on between them didn't FEEL wrong.  All he knew was something had changed and he hated the thought that it could hurt Bucky.

Bucky stood and began to pace the room, fingers threading through his hair.  "No, and not just  no but HELL no."  Turning to face Steve, Bucky could only hope he could convey what it was he was feeling.  "I have no damn clue what those guys did to me, but I will not become another damn lab rat.  I refuse, ok.  If I go there and tell them about this, you know as well as I that they will poke and prod and experiment.  I won't do that.  I have been experimented enough to last a damn lifetime and if someone tries again, I swear Steve... I won't be responsible for what I may do."

"Bucky..."

"No, dammit can't you understand?  I close my damn eyes and I see that Doctor's face.  I feel the damn needles.  I feel fine, but there are times..."  Bucky moved toward the wall and sat down leaning his head back.  He had never told anyone, not even Steve about his nightmares.  He felt vulnerable.  "I can't ok.  If I go, it'll be like I never left that damn room and I will be of no use to you out there in the field.  I can handle it now but you add on more damn experiments and testing... They would send me back to the States without so much as a thank you.  You can't ask that of me.  Please, Steve.  I have to do this, I have to get those bastards.  Then when this is all over.. well if they want to do more testing ... we'll see.  Just please, Steve.  I'm fine.  And if these pills work, then it won't matter.  We'll go on like we always have and the rest, well we'll deal."

Steve stared up at the ceiling and took a deep breath.  Dealing with it wasn't what he wanted to do.  He wanted to understand and wanted to figure out what was going on.  This wasn't easy for either of them, but Steve knew that they couldn't go on pretending.  "Bucky they wouldn't do that.  They would only be checking to see what changed if anything."

Bucky laughed shaking his head.  "Steve, I'm telling you I will never be another test subject or experimented on again if I have any breath in my body.  I'd rather be dead.  I need you to promise me you won't try to make me.  I need you to promise me if it came down to being a test subject or whatever you'll put a damn bullet in my fucking brain cause I'd rather be dead then ... then used for someone else's sick mind.  I won't ... I can't fucking be that damn helpless again.  I won't.  I need you to promise me, Steve."

"Bucky... I can't kill you.  I won't."

"Dammit Steve.  Who knows what they had planned, or how far they would have gotten if you hadn't found me when you did.  Who knows what I would have been.  I'm not the same, not completely.  There are things different about me and whatever it is we felt the other day is just the damn icing on the cake."  Bucky stood and with his hands on the arms of the chair he bent down so that he was right in Steve's face.  "Please.  If our friendship means anything, you won't let me go through that again.  Promise me."

Steve reached up and placed his hands on Bucky's neck and leaned their foreheads together.  "I can't promise to kill you, Buck, you can't ask that of me."  Steve saw Bucky's eyes close and hated that he had disappointed his friend, but he couldn't think of a life without Bucky and the thought that he could pull the trigger was more than he could bear.  "But I promise you this... I will do whatever I can, with everything I am and have I will put an end to it.  I will save you."  Steve watched as Bucky moved slightly bringing their lips closer together.  Steve felt like it was all a dream as he felt their lips start to glide over one another, and a light flick of Bucky's tongue against his.  "Buck..."

Bucky suddenly opened his eyes and backed away from Steve breathing hard.  "Shit... damn... Steve...."  Bucky turned and quickly made his way toward the door, with his hand on the handle Bucky froze.  "I'm sorry...I'll see you around."  With that Steve could only watch as Bucky closed the door behind him.  

~~~***~~~***

It was by the end of the week they were sent out again.  The Army command had requested Steve to help in some of their missions which left the Howling Commandos to start to take out the munitions depots, meeting up with Steve at some random location in the middle of Europe to hit more Main Hydra bases.  Bucky hated how Steve was being pulled in all directions and he wasn't afraid to voice his opinion on the matter.  Of course he was often told that in Steve's absence he was in charge of the Commandos and they were to do what was needed to do with or without Captain America.  And if Bucky didn't like it they could reassign him to another unit.

So Bucky kept his mouth shut, lead the Commandos when Steve was 'loaned' out to the rest of the Army and with each passing day the marks on the map of Hydra locations was quickly being removed.  Bucky and the men sat in a small pub somewhere in the middle of France when Steve returned with new orders, new locations, and thankfully a fresh batch of those pills that the two had to take.  Steve sat down next to Bucky at one of the back tables with a drink in both hands.  "How's the arm," Steve asked with a small smile.  

Bucky took the drink from Steve's hand and quickly downed it in one gulp.  "Ok which of those asses told you?"

Steve shrugged and set the bottle on the table between them.  "I wish they didn't send me off all the damn time.  We're a team, our mission is Hydra."

"But you are the Army and there are a lot of guys out there that would die just to meet you.  It helps with morale, and _'we can never forget that Hydra isn't our only concern but so is the SS and Hitler's goons.  If we are to win this war, Sergeant Barnes, you need to realize this and do what is best for the Army_ ,'" Bucky laughed shaking his head.  "Or so I have been told numerous times.  Trust me, Steve it's not a war either of us can win. The Army needs you, and if that is leading troops down to damn Berlin HQ then that's where you are needed.  We'll keep up with Hydra, and we'll even leave some for you."

Steve shook his head and filled both of their glasses again.  "So you've been going at Phillips have you?"

"What's the Howling Commandos without Captain America," Bucky raised his glass in the air in mock salute.  "Let's be honest here, Steve.  I'm not a damn leader, Falsworth is higher rank than me, he's a damn officer and Phillips has me leading these guys when you're not here."  Bucky looked down at the glass in his hand watching the light reflect off of the amber liquid. "I guess I'm lucky the guys decided that I'm second in command behind you or this shit would never work.  The fact that they are willing to follow my lead, even though I have no damn clue what I'm doing out there.  I'm a sniper, not a leader."

Steve reached over and placed his hand on Bucky's shoulder.  "You're a natural leader, Buck.  You always were, even if you don't want to admit it.  The men see it, Colonel Phillips sees it.  They will follow your lead because you have a natural instinct at this sort of thing."  Steve leaned back with his arms crossed over his chest.  "Do you know it was Colonel Phillips who suggested that you take the second command spot?  And that Falsworth agreed?  I stopped off in London on my way here and I've read the reports, Buck.  What you guys have done in the past month is beyond anything anyone could have hoped for.  You all took on a full Hydra base on your own, freed the POWs and took it out.  That's not counting how many of the weapons and supply depots you all took care of.   All with the bonus that none of you were seriously injured.  That is leadership, Bucky, if I ever knew it."

"I mainly just try to think of what you would do," Bucky smiled over at Steve.  "I realize this is nothing like when we were kids coming up with ways to sneak a few extra candies from the dime store, or planning a way to sneak out and go to Coney Island.  Those are easy, this..."  

Steve reached into his pocket and carefully slide some of white pills into Bucky's hand.  "How long," Steve asked seeing a slight perspiration on Bucky's forehead.  

Bucky leaned back and let out a sigh.  "I try to make em last, one every two weeks seems to help but... well ran out about a month ago. Has not been easy keeping my damn mind clear, but think that's cause of the blood loss," he joked.  

Steve almost reached across the table to grab a hold of Bucky's hand but stopped himself before he got too far, grabbing the bottle in the middle of the table instead.  "You know we have to talk about it, we can't just keep ignoring it."

"We can, and it's for the best, Steve.  You got that Agent back at base, that's what you should be concentrating on.  Trust me that is the best thing for both of us.  If we went down that road..."  Bucky began rolling his lips into his mouth and shaking his head.  "I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you because of ... besides we're not even sure what this is.  Is it some damn side effect of whatever was done?  If, and that would be the biggest if, we did anything that ... who's to say we'd still be friends?  I'd rather have that friendship Steve then give in to this... thing."

"I know you don't want to talk to the Docs about this, but there has to be something in Dr. Erskine's notes, some idea of what is going on.  Or I don't know something.  If we..."

"I'm not going to say it again, Stevie, no.  You can do whatever checking you need to do for your own sake, but I can't be brought into it."  Bucky leaned forward in his chair and pulled one of the small pills out of his pocket.  "I hope you can take these with alcohol," he wondered as he swallowed the pill and chased it down with a sip of his drink.  "Steve, I promise when we're done with this war, we'll figure it all out ok?  We'll find out how to, I don't know stop it or whatever, you can go dancing with Agent Carter with a clear mind."

'What if I don't want Peggy,' Steve thought.  "You're pushing me and Peggy to be together a lot lately."

"Cause it's the right thing to do, and can we please not discuss this here," Bucky glanced around the pub trying to make sure no one was around.  "You know what could happen, Steve.  Is that what you want?  I don't.  I won't let you throw everything you have been able to accomplish for that... I won't let you throw away everything you dreamed about for me.  Do you understand," Bucky quietly begged.  "You deserve the life you can live with Agent Carter, anything else is a damn death sentence."

"Bucky..."

Bucky stood and nodded toward the door.  After waving to the men, Bucky lead Steve down the quiet street to a small home they had been given to sleep in.  The two passed it and walked to a small empty field where they could talk without anyone listening.  "Steve, I know what they do to guys like that, you know pansies.  Back home, I went to a couple of bars, I don't know to see or something.  I saw guys get beat on the street, Steve.  Blood every damn where.  They would be pulled into the alleys, raped, beaten to an inch of their life and left for dead.  Even if the kid wasn't like that just the fact that he was around the area was enough."  Bucky ran his hand through his hair trying to shake the images he had seen in his mind from years ago.  "Even in the Army.  Yeah it may be one thing to give a hand job to one of the guys out in the field late one night, but if anyone thinks that you are that way... a blue slip is the last thing you need to worry about.  There are so many dying out here what's one more?"

Steve turned to face Bucky trying to keep the shock from his face but he knew he was failing  "Buck.. have you?"

Bucky couldn't look Steve in the face for fear of what his friend would think of him.  His father had been right all those years ago, but Bucky had still fought against it at every turn, but he couldn't deny it.  "Would it change anything?"

"Bucky, you know me better than that.  You're my friend always have been, always will," Steve turned so he could face Bucky in hopes of getting his friend to see that even if Bucky liked men or women it made no difference to Steve at all.  

Bucky nodded as he looked out at the empty field.  "It wasn't often, and I do like the dames.  It's just there were times, you know..."  Bucky then turned to face Steve an put his hands on Steve's neck.  "That's why, Steve.  We can't ok? I know what happens if people know, and you're better than that.  You're the best man I know, and I can't bring you down with me.  You deserve more than this."  Bucky wrapped his arm around Steve's should and the two started to walk back toward the house.  "Besides, right now we have some missions to plan."

~~~***~~~***

It was in June when Steve, after being called away yet again to help the Army, returned.  Only this time he didn't return alone.  "You have got to be kidding me," Bucky said as he shook his head.  "What the hell are we supposed to do with those?"

The rest of the men only glanced over all with looks of disbelief on their faces as well.  Steve could only shrug as he moved toward the men and away from their 'guests'.  "It wasn't my idea.  Hell, I can't be sure it isn't Senator Brandt doing all this, but they haven't left me alone for weeks."  Steve ran his fingers through his hair and looked at his men for help.  "I have been trying everything to get rid of them but they seem to multiply like sewer rats or rabbits."

Gabe stood there and laughed as he glanced over Steve's shoulder seeing a small crew of news reporters and camera men.  "Well this should be interesting."

"Please tell me they are not going on missions with us.  It's bad enough we are going into Hydra bases, but to bring in some untrained.... ass wipes along for the next damn news story... They can't ask that of us, Steve."  Bucky could only glare at the news reporter who seemed to be filming a broadcast right before his eyes.  "I mean really?  Do they not understand Top fucking secret?"  Bucky shook his head and began to walk toward the small tent he had set up.  "What are we supposed to do with them, Steve?  You know damn well we can't take them with us."

Steve followed Bucky into the tent and sat down on the rack at one side.  Steve knew that Bucky, Dugan and Falsworth shared a tent often being the senior members of the team besides Steve while the others share the other tent.   Steve always had his own despite telling them he was willing to share, that he was no better than the others.  "I have tried talking to Colonel Phillips but they are all saying this way they can keep track of how things are going first hand, and well I quote the Hollowing Commandos have become something that America wants to know about."  Steve clasped his hands together on his knees and let out a deep breath.  "Word has gotten back to the States about what you guys have been doing, and from what I have heard or at least been told it is something they want to know about.  The Hollowing Commandos are the elite fighting force of the Allies, the best of the best.  Indestructible."

"We have been lucky, Steve and you know that.  At any moment one of us can be taken out and I don't like the odds if we have to bring one of those idiots along with us.  I won't do it.  I'll turn in my damn stripes if that's the case."  Bucky moved to one of the other beds and laid down placing his arms over his eyes.  "I don't like this, Steve.  I don't care what the Army says.  We both know all they care about is Captain America and frankly the only time you can be well... You is with us.  Do you want to give that up?"

Steve leaned back to rest on his elbows.  "I don't think that will be a problem.  They have been pretty good about leaving me alone for the most part, but I see your point.  If I could have them shipped back to London I know I'd be happier."  Steve reached over to the bag he had brought with him and pulled a small box out for Bucky.  "I was able to get some more of those..."

Bucky could only nod as he reached over and placed them in his pack.  "I've been thinking about all of this.  It doesn't seem bad or at least I don't have the same things happen with anyone else so it seems to be just us two.  Whatever Dr. Erskine gave you and whatever Hydra gave me..."

Steve nodded leaning forward to sit up straight.  "I've tried to get my hands on whatever notes anyone has on what Dr. Erskine gave me.  Ask some questions, nothing that could raise any red flags.  Last thing I think either one of us needs is to be thought as unstable or something."

"Yeah, but I wonder.  You said that the Doctor gave the serum to Schmidt right?  I wonder if what we have he does too.  I mean whatever they did to him, has to be what Zola and those docs were trying to recreate right?  They may have something in their files."  Bucky theorized.  

"Dr. Erskine told me that when Schmidt used the serum, it wasn't ready."  Steve glanced out the flap of the tent watching the men as they got the reporters settled.  "It makes me wonder if this was one of the parts that wasn't ready."

Bucky laughed in disbelief and could only shake his head.  "But what is 'this part', Steve?  It's like every few months or so we just lose our damn minds.  I can't see that as a good thing."  Bucky stood and leaned against the pole by the flap as if to keep watch.  "It's almost like the damn animal kingdom or some shit, you know?  The whole smell, cramps... the urge."

Steve had been thinking along the same lines and had done some research.  He knew in the wild there were the hierarchy between the Alphas, Omegas and Betas, but he wasn't sure how all of what they were going through related.  He couldn't see Dr. Erskine purposely doing something like that but as time went on he wasn't so sure.  But to what end he couldn't figure out.  "Look, Buck.  When we get back somewhere not out here, we have to sit and talk about this.  We have to try and figure it out.  I don't think it is good for either of us to just go on like we have and pretend this isn't happening."

Bucky glanced out at the men on the other side of the tent.  "Ok, I promise.  When we get back to London, we'll talk.  Just not sure we'll like what we find, Stevie.  I have a few ideas, but the last damn thing I want to do is get your hurt."

Steve stood and placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder.  "We'll see if we can find anything in the stuff we grab from the Hydra bases, I'll still see if I can get anything on Erskine's notes.  We'll figure this out, one way or another.  Besides, Buck.  You have never hurt me, I think I can trust you."

Bucky shook his head and threw his arm over Steve's shoulder.  "And I don't plan to, pal.  Only the best for you, you deserve it."

~~~***~~~***

The Commandos all sat around the bar celebrating another successful few hits on Hydra bases.  Since they had started this mission the number of bases went from six to a few dozen to now only twelve.  They knew that more bases or depots would show up but despite all of that, they knew they were on the right track.  It had been tension filled with the reporters and camera operators around at every turn, but they all decided that they would put aside their dislike for the night.  Freeing the POWs who had been trapped in the Hydra bases always put the men in a good mood and nothing would destroy the high they had not even a camera in their face.  "And then out of nowhere, Sarge comes flying over the ledge of that building and right on top of the guy.  I swear the LT was going to shit, think it was the first time I had seen Sarge do KP duty."

Bucky could only shake his head as he cringed.  Dugan had decided it would be great to tell stories of their time with the 107th and all the pranks they had pulled on one another.  Bucky had to work hard to not hide as he glanced at the cameras filming it all.  "It wasn't that bad, besides Peters started it.  Remember what he did to our tent?  I thought you were going to kill him since he mistook your rack for mine.  Besides it was you who put grease in his shampoo not me, but yet I had to explain to the LT why Peters' helmet kept falling off."

Gabe looked over at the two and laughed.  "Wasn't it you, Sarge who put the dummy bomb in Peter's pack so when he tried to lift it he couldn't?"

Bucky shrugged, "It was three."

Dum Dum laughed as he raised his ale to the sky in salute.  "The best part was when he opened his pack and saw these bombs.  Cleared out the whole section of the base with his screams.  I swear it was my daughter's scream when one of the boys shoved a frog in her face."

Bucky glanced at the clock above the bar and sighed a little.  "Well boys, some of us have work to do," Bucky said as groans were given by the rest of the team.  "Enjoy tonight, guys we head back out day after tomorrow.  Should give you enough time to sober up."

Steve looked at his men and could only smile.  "Next round is on me, enjoy your night."  Walking out of the small bar with Bucky, Steve checked behind him to make sure they weren't followed.  Luckily everyone left the two alone when it came time for planning missions and for that Steve was grateful.  "Glad we could let them have these few days.  It seems you guys have been out non-stop since we started all this."

Bucky nodded as he walked beside Steve toward the house they had been put up in.  "Do you know when or if they will be pulling you back out to the real Army?"

Steve could only shake his head.  "I think they want me up north in the coming weeks, some big movement planned near Normandy or something like that.  Phillips is trying to block it, saying we're close to finding the main Hydra base and when that happens he needs me here with you guys."  Steve ran his fingers through his hair and let out a deep breath.  "I hate not being here.  All I hear is Captain America and his Howling Commandos but in reality it's more just you guys.  You are their leader, I sort of feel like I'm interfering when I come back."

The two made it into one of the small bedrooms where they had a map set up on a table in the middle of the room.  "Steve, the guys respect you, and they will follow you wherever you want us to go.  They are loyal to you, respect you, and they know YOU are their CO.  Don't think otherwise.  If it came down to a decision I made or yours they will follow yours.  They know the score.  Don't think they wouldn't."

"I just wish they didn't pull me away."  Steve said as he sat down in the chair by the table.  He felt off the past two days and he could only hope that he wouldn't start to get the cramps again.  "Only plus about being pulled away is that I can stop by London and see what I can dig up."

"Cramps again," Bucky asked as he sat down across from Steve.  Bucky had started to notice the 'signs' on both of them the past week.  Steve shook his head but Bucky wasn't so sure.  He had a feeling that Steve wasn't telling him the full truth cause he could see the pain in his eyes.  It wasn't as bad as the last time he had seen it, but it was close.  "I wonder if these pills they give you are even doing their job anymore.  It's been what a few months."

Steve nodded and let out a sigh.  "Before when this all started, I knew about every six months or so I would start to feel strange.  For some reason, it seems the time between is getting less."

Bucky wasn't sure he liked the implications of that, but he knew it for the truth.  If the supplements stopped working, Bucky was almost afraid of what the outcome would be.  No matter what he had felt for Steve before the war, and he could admit he had loved Steve even then, Bucky knew he couldn't act on that feeling.  He couldn't give into the instinct he was having on how he could make Steve better.  "You said that just being close helps right," Bucky asked trying to come up with some plan before it got worse for Steve.  "Cause I tell you, pal I hate seeing you in pain and if curling up in that damn bed like we used to when we were kids then dammit I'll do it."

Steve nodded in thanks as he stood to start stripping down to his t-shirt and shorts as Bucky did the same.  "Thanks, Buck," Steve said as the two curled in together on the small bed.  Bucky's arms wrapped around Steve from behind holding him close like they used to.  Steve almost instantly felt better even if he could feel himself grow hard in his shorts.  "I think maybe doubling up on the dosage or something, or take them every day I start to feel the symptoms may help too."

Bucky held Steve close burying his face in Steve's neck and let out a deep breath, he knew this may not have been the brightest idea he had ever had but all he knew was Steve was in pain.  "Look, I'll see if I can get to London, have them check me out.  If becoming some damn experiment means we can get you better, I'll do it."

Steve turned his head to look at Bucky and shook his head.  "We'll figure something out, Buck.  I can't ask you to do that.  I won't, ok.  A promise is a promise.  We'll find some other way."

Bucky wanted to close the distance between them and kiss Steve but only smiled.  "Yeah we will.  Now get some sleep, punk."  They both settled in and quickly fell into a light sleep, both of them trying to come up with some way to ease the other's pain.  

Steve woke a few hours later feeling flushed, Bucky lightly rocking against the crack of his ass and Steve felt like he was starting to have an asthma attack.  "Bucky..." he whispered as he turned his head seeing that Bucky was still asleep.  Reaching his hand up, Steve pulled Bucky's mouth closer to his own. He knew it was wrong but everything in him was screaming that Bucky could make the pain stop and Steve wasn't going to let Bucky back out.  

Bucky opened his eyes when he felt Steve's lips on his own and breathed into Steve's mouth.  "Steve..."

"Please, Bucky," Steve begged as he ran his tongue across Bucky's lips seeking entrance.  Bucky felt something in him snap as he pulled Steve closer to him and plunged his tongue into Steve's mouth.  He continued to rock his hips against Steve as one hand moved down to Steve's own hard on. Bucky began to glide his hand up and down Steve's cock, over the head and down to his balls, twisting his wrist and adding a slight pressure with each pass across the velvet flesh.  Bucky began to feel a wetness between Steve's legs as he continued to slide his own cloth covered cock across the crack of Steve's ass.  Bucky knew if he didn't hold on to the last bit of sanity in his mind, he would strip them both and 'claim' Steve like every instinct was telling him to do.  Bucky buried his nose in Steve's neck as the scent that had been taunting him the past few months filled the whole room.  He knew neither would last long as he already felt himself losing what little rhythm he had.  

Steve brought his lower lip into his mouth trying to keep quiet as he felt himself start to let go knowing that Bucky wasn't too far behind.  He felt a comfortable pressure begin to build in his chest and Steve knew this was what he needed, this connection.  He knew it wasn't enough, but he hoped it would allow the pain to ease to a more comfortable level.  Fact was, Steve wanted more he just wasn't sure he could convince Bucky that it was his choice not whatever it was that was drawing them closer together.  Bucky leaned over after wiping his hand on the bed sheet and kissed Steve.  "Now let's try to get some sleep, punk."

When Bucky woke next, he carefully removed himself from the tangle of limbs him and Steve had found themselves in and threw on his pants.  He had to think and with Steve that close, Bucky knew he couldn't.  Dressed, he grabbed his pack of cigarettes and went outside in hopes the fresh air would help clear the fog that had been filling his mind for the past few days.  He had come so close the night before to taking things to the next level, to be buried deep inside Steve and making love to his friend.  He knew it was a dangerous path, even if Steve said it didn't matter to Bucky it meant everything.  He knew that if they took that step Bucky would never let Steve go and all of his hopes and dreams would fall apart.  

Steve deserved more than some shell-shocked, or 'combat fatigued' soldier who had no future, who couldn't even sleep through the night.  Steve deserved the whole package - a wife, kids, damn white picket fenced house, living the American dream.  Bucky didn't want to drag Steve down with him into a world of 'depravity' where they could go to jail or worse get killed just for being together.  He loved Steve too much to allow that always had.  

After the events of the night before, Bucky had felt some ease to the insanity he had been feeling, but he knew it would only come back with a vengeance.  If this helped Steve, Bucky knew he would deal with it, not ask for more even if he was craving it.  He would do anything he needed to do, to keep Steve safe and pain-free.  To hell with what it did to him, he would deal with it as he always did.  Steve was what was important, and Steve deserved a better life than this.  Then when the war was over, Bucky would subject himself to whatever damn tests they wanted to give him just so Steve could live out his life... normal.

For Steve, Bucky would do anything.

Bucky watched as the small village came to life silently wondering if any of them would feel free and safe again when this was all over.  Turning his head to his left he saw Steve lean against the wall next to him, taking the cigarette out of his hand and taking a long drag off of it.  Bucky could only shake his head and try not to laugh.  "First time I've ever seen you smoke, pal."

Steve only shrugged as he handed the smoke back to Bucky and leaned back to watch as the small village started to open up their shops.  "Never could before.  Well never wanted to try before was too afraid to suddenly have an attack."

"We had too many of those to last ten lifetimes, I'd say."  Bucky threw down the last of his cigarette and turned to look at Steve.  "You feeling better?"

Steve nodded, giving Bucky a small smile.  "It's still there but it's, I don't know... muted or something.  Not sure how long it will last, but it's better."

Bucky was grateful for that small victory.  "You scared the shit out of me last night."  Bucky closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  "I thought you were having a damn attack or something.  It scared the shit out of me, thinking that maybe the serum wasn't as permanent as they want you to believe."

"I'm fine now Buck," Steve said as he laid his hand on Bucky's shoulder.  "The pain.... well isn't gone but a lot easier to deal with now.  I'll just double up on the supplements and well if it gets bad again..."

Bucky couldn't help but laugh at how crazy they sounded.  "Yeah, pal, yeah.  At least we know a way to try and ease the pain huh?  We just have to be careful.  Even that... Well it won't be good if anyone found out."

"We'll get through his, Bucky.  I promise you we will.  We'll figure out what's going on.  Everything will be ok."  The thing was when Steve said it, Bucky actually almost believed him.

~~~***~~~***

As the months began to drag on Steve would spend most of his time with the Commandos knowing that they were close to ending Hydra and that was his priority.  The supplements helped when he started to take them daily as symptoms started to rear its ugly head at the two of them.  Often at night, Steve and Bucky would curl up to one another when they were able to find some abandoned house or something where they could justify being separate from the men.  

But Steve knew that even that wasn't enough anymore.  The time between outbreaks was getting less and less from six months, to three to now almost monthly and if they didn't do something soon, Steve knew that neither one of them would be able to find relief.  

Practically all the Hydra factories were destroyed and with the depots all but removed as well, they knew that things would be coming to a head and soon. They just needed a target, a location, and for that they needed to capture someone high up in Hydra.  

They had all been given a week or so back in the London office as the SSR worked to find the location of someone they could bring in.  They had ideas where the main base was but nothing they felt comfortable sending the team out on.  So Steve spent most of his days lately going over everything they had.  

After two days of going over everything, Steve finally called it quits.  Feeling bone tired, hot, and his cramps were returning with a vengeance, He walked the steps toward the quarters in the Officer's hotel.  The Intel they were receiving indicated that something big was going to happen and most likely they had three days before they were once again shipped out to somewhere deep in German territory.  "Let them enjoy the few days they have," he had told Peggy.  "it’s not often they can just relax, when we have solid Intel we’ll fill them in."

He knew the others in his squad were enjoying their days down at the pub, dancing with the local women, drinking; just forgetting about Hydra and the war for a little while.  Steve wished he could do the same.  But between the meetings, going over Intel, getting with Stark about new gear and everything else he had no time.  It was his responsibility to make sure they all came home and that Hydra would not survive the war.  They had all been going months on end, only getting a few days off every couple of months, and Steve refused to interrupt the men's down time.  

Opening the door, Steve looked up to see Bucky sitting on the bed.  “You know you could be at the bar with the others, looks like we’re stuck here for a few days.”  Turning from his friend, Steve began to unbutton his jacket and take off his tie.  “Hell, maybe we should head down there and challenge them to a game of darts or something.” He joked.  

Hearing no response from his friend, Steve slowly turned around to find Bucky standing directly behind him.  “Buck,” he asked as he noticed a far off look in Bucky’s eyes.  “What?”  Steve knew instantly what it was, they had been through this before.  Both knew that even just the touching and jerking off would only last so long, that both would eventually demand more.  Steve had secretly dreamed about it, but knew that Bucky felt like he would be forcing Steve into something he didn't want.  Steve was almost sick with how 'honorable' Bucky was being.  They both had felt the pull toward one another increase since that night deep in France.  Steve could tell by the look in Bucky's eyes that they were at the point of no return, that from that moment on nothing would be the same.

Steve welcomed it.

Bucky closed the distance between the two with his hands going around Steve’s neck as his lips crashed down upon his own.  “Fuck, Steve…”  Bucky moved his lips down to Steve’s neck and Steve found himself lifting his arms so he could run his fingers through Bucky’s hair.  This was beyond the kisses and anything else they had done, this finally to Steve felt like he was coming home.  Whatever had been happening to them had been building and Steve for once wanted to just go with it – whatever IT was.  “Steve,” Bucky breathed against Steve’s lips as his hands began to move down to his belt.  “I have no fucking clue what is going on, I don't think those damn supplements are working anymore, but if you don’t… if you say no… we’ll just end this here…no harm no foul…I just know…”

Steve pulled Bucky against him running his tongue against the older man’s lips.  “Bucky… Do you always talk so much,” Steve breathed not wanting this to ever end.  Clothes started to fall from their bodies as they made their way to the bed in the corner of the room.  Somewhere in the back of Steve’s mind, he knew that this may not be the brightest idea he had ever had but he also knew that with each kiss, each touch a hole inside him was starting to fill more than it ever had before.  “Bucky…”  Steve felt the solid, warm flesh of his best friend on top of him and he began to kiss along Bucky’s neck sucking and licking.  Bucky smelled like nothing he had ever smelled before, strong, musky, dominance, protection all filtered through Steve’s brain as he began to get lost in the sensations that were flowing through him.  So strong was the need to be taken, to be owned by this man on top of him.  To be complete for the first time in his life.  

Hydra invading the base couldn’t tear him away from this now.  The need burning in his chest called out to be united with its other half, his soul-mate.  

Slowly Bucky began to enter Steve as hands and lips moved across his body.  Steve thought he should feel pain but all he felt was fullness and pleasure.  “Bucky… oh god… please….”

“Fuck… Steve…you feel…” Bucky started to move pulling as far out as he could leaving just the head of his cock inside then slam all the way in to the hilt.  “Mine…mine…” he whispered against Steve’s lips.

Steve felt Bucky lift his hips up a little higher, shifting the angle and sliding deeper within him.  He felt that Bucky was trying to reach his very soul, and Steve welcomed it.  “Yes….”  With each movement he felt Bucky brush against something inside him and he had to muffle his cries in Bucky’s neck.  Never before had he felt anything like this and now Steve knew  he never wanted to be without it.  Nothing would compare and he wanted it to last forever.  “Bucky… Oh god… I’m … Ahhh”

Steve felt a tightness in his balls and a tightness forming deep in his chest, the feeling of love, want and need building as if his very soul was reaching out to Bucky.  “Steve…Fuck… I…” Steve opened his eyes and looked at Bucky’s face, eye locked together, small smile on his face.  Steve couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Bucky at peace like he looked in that moment and he knew couldn’t hold on any longer as he let himself go – cum shooting between their bodies.  “Fuck, Steve… so beautiful…so hot… mine.” Bucky panted as he pushed himself as deep as he could into Steve and let himself go spilling his seed deep inside.

“Bucky,” Steve sighed as Bucky collapsed on top of him, breathing in each other’s scent.  The tightness in his chest – the knot – felt light, free, and for the first time since the procedure Steve felt complete.  Steve felt Bucky start to pull away and he only held on tighter, he wasn't ready to let this feeling go quite yet, "Stay."

"We're a damn mess, Stevie," Bucky replied but didn't move from where he was, still buried deep inside Steve.  Bucky knew he had just broken his own promise to himself that he wouldn't do this, he realized he felt at peace for the first time in his life.  Bucky moved slightly and tried not to laugh when he realized that both were still hard.  "Whatever the hell this is, Steve, I think it may be the death of us."

Steve looked into Bucky's eyes and laughed.  "It's called making up for lost time," he said as he brought Bucky's lips back down to his own.  "Think you can keep up, Soldier?"

Bucky laughed as he put his forehead on Steve's.  "I'd say I'm already up, Captain.  Question is what are you going to do about it?"

Steve decided he was up to the challenge and decided that there needed to be more action and less talking.

~~~***~~~***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad me... yeah a little foreshadowing to TWS... Poor Bucky!!!!! Poor Steve... sigh...  
> Also... crossing fingers. My first Alpha/Omega type thing, hopefully got it close...  
> Already almost done with the next/final chapter of this part of the series. May be tonight or tomorrow.   
> Lastly... THANK YOU ALL! for the kind words and kudos. It helps me write knowing that so many of you are enjoying this little crazy idea of mine and that even after all these years without writing I maybe a little rusty but still can get my thoughts in enough order for others to understand. Thank you all sooooo much!!! Big HUGS and lots of <3


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok... Here is the last of this part.... If you are still with me... I'm sorry.. Passing the Kleenex around...

~~~***~~~***

Steve finally pulled himself from the bed and showered.  He knew that he and Bucky had been holed up in the room for a day at least, and Steve knew he would have to make an appearance before anyone got suspicious.  After a shower and dressing, Steve wrote a quick note to Bucky in case the other man woke up while he was gone.  This was the first time he had seen Bucky sleep, really sleep, since he had been pulled from that factory a year ago.  Steve wanted Bucky to get as much sleep as possible and refused to wake him.  

Steve made his way into SSR headquarters and smiled at Peggy.  Steve knew that there could never have been anything between them, he loved her there was no doubt but he had always been IN love with Bucky.  If whatever this was between the two men hadn't happened then Steve thought that maybe he could have learned to be in love with her, but now he knew he wanted her friendship more than anything.  "Good Morning," he said as he accepted a cup of coffee from one of the assistants.  

Peggy smiled at Steve as she lead him over to one of the small maps littered across the room.  "I am happy to see you took my advice and caught up on your sleep.  You look better than you have in months."  Steve tried not to let the blush he felt under his skin show as he shrugged.  "I hope no one bothered you and you got enough sleep."

Steve drank from his cup hoping to hide the smile that was coming out at the thought of how he had spent those hours away.  "Bucky came by for a bit," he explained in case someone had seen the older man enter his room.  "We haven't had much time to really just hang out and catch up.  But the sleep was good."

"Well hopefully you both got enough sleep, you were both looking a little worse for wear."  Peggy glanced up and watched as Colonel Phillips made their way over to the two and she nodded in greeting.  "Colonel."

"Carter, Captain." he said as greeting and waved them over to another table with files spread across it.  "We have a location on Zola and I want your men to bring him in."

"Zola," Steve asked feeling a sudden sense of anger at the name and dread.  

"Yes.  We intercepted a transmission that he will be on a train day after tomorrow.  Minimum Hydra security.  If we can bring him in, I believe we can get the location we need for the main base and finally put an end to Schmidt and his plans," Colonel Phillips held out the transmission to Steve to read.  

Steve could tell that this mission would be a snatch and grab on the go.  The train that Zola would be on had no scheduled stops, just straight through to its final destination.  "It will have to be a small extraction team, three tops as the others move on to meet us at the pickup location.  Do we know where we are planning on picking him up from?"

Phillips leaned over the map they had the path set out on.  "The plan is once we have the target secure, we already will have a man here," he said pointing to one location.  "He will activate the switch to take the train off course and it will be brought here."  The end point being a small train station within Allie territory.  "It will be up to you to make sure that you have complete control of the train before the switch is made or this will all be for nothing."

Steve knew it would be a tight window and already his mind was going over his team.  "Myself, along with Barnes and Jones will take the extraction team.  We'll move in and take control of Zola and the train.  The rest of the men after we are on the train will move to the secondary location."

Steve noticed the look on both Phillips and Peggy's face when he explained his plan.  "Are you sure that Sergeant Barnes is the right person to have on the team," Peggy carefully asked.  "I know he has shown no ill effects from his time in their custody, but..."

"I have complete faith in Sergeant Barnes.  We will be at the secondary location on time with Zola," Steve stressed.  He knew that if he tried to exclude Bucky things would get ugly.  Granted how he was going to explain the mission to him would be another question.  He could always change the extraction team if needed once he talked to Bucky and gauged his response.  "But I will talk to the Sergeant and if I feel he won't be able to handle it, I will move Falsworth up and Barnes can lead the team to the secondary point."

The three spent the next couple of hours going over all the details and they determined that the Commandos would leave that night.  The last thing they needed was to miss the train, so Steve said he would get the men together for a 1500 meeting.  Steve made his way back to his quarters and found Bucky still asleep.  He was loathed to wake him but knew that they had an hour before the meeting.  "Bucky," he quietly sat down on the side of the bed and ran his fingers through the dark hair.  Bucky slowly started to wake, slowly turning to his side.  "Hey there, Soldier.  Was beginning to think you were going to sleep the day away."

"Yeah well you wore me out," Bucky reached up and pulled Steve in for a kiss.  Leaning back again, Bucky noticed that Steve was dressed in his uniform.  "Something going on?"  Bucky quickly out of bed and started dressing.  

Steve watched as Bucky dressed and debated with himself.  He believed that Bucky would want to go on this mission, but Steve knew that Zola could bring back memories for Bucky that the other man didn't need.  He had been so peaceful sleeping, Steve now wondering if Bucky shouldn't stay off the mission completely.  "There's a meeting in an hour."  Bucky nodded and started for the door, but Steve stopped him with a hand on his arm.  "But, listen.  You can stay here, we don't need the full team on this one.  Stay and rest, you sure as hell seem to need it."

Bucky could only look at Steve in disbelief.  "You grounding me, Steve? Cause I'm fine.  Best damn sleep I have gotten in a while.  I'll grab the men and meet you at HQ."

"Bucky, I just think that out of anyone, you need the break.  It will be a quick in and out mission - only a few days at most.  You can stay and catch up on the sleep you've missed, cause you can't tell me that the sleep you had here wasn't the most you have had in a year at least."  Steve reached up and placed his hand on Bucky's neck to bring their foreheads together.  "I'd say the same for the others if the bags under their eyes were as bad as yours.  Just I'll need you in top form for when we go after the main base."

"They know the location," Bucky asked completely bypassing the whole stay behind thing.  He didn't want to go there.  

"This mission is to get the last of the Intel we need, quick and simple then we come back, regroup and on to the main base."  Steve felt like a tool for not coming right out and saying that they were going after Zola but he wanted Bucky to rest.  He wasn't lying when he had said that he needed Bucky in top form for the final confrontation, he just now felt that maybe a few more days of rest would help.

"I'll get the men," Bucky was confused as to what Steve wasn't telling him but figured he would find out soon.  There was a reason that Steve wanted him to stay behind and dread started to pool in his chest.  Bucky left without a word.

Bucky had gotten the others, showered and dressed and arrived at the HQ with time to spare.  The others had already arrived including Steve and Bucky noticed how Steve was suddenly avoiding his eyes.  "Gentlemen, please have a seat," Colonel Phillips stated as they all moved over to the large table at the far corner of the room.  "We have a location on Zola.  It is your job to retrieve him and bring him in.  We believe that with Zola in our custody he will be more than willing to share with us the location of the main Hydra base."  Bucky felt the dread from before turn into white hot fury as he looked down at the map.  Suddenly Steve's insistence at him staying became very clear.  Taking a deep breath, Bucky looked up as the Colonel went on to explain the mission feeling every eye on him as soon as Zola's name was mentioned.  

Once they were dismissed Bucky followed the others out as they made their way to the plane that would take them in.  He couldn't look at any of them, couldn't even think of looking at Steve.  He knew that if he did he would lose it and he would be forced to stay behind.  He would bide his time and when he was able to get Steve alone and away from the men, he would let the younger man have it.  Once they all were on the plane and in the air, Bucky was able to breathe a little easier, he was on the mission now and nothing anyone could do now.  "Sleeping in the cold on some mountaintop in the December not my idea of fun," Morita laughed as they all settled in for the few hour flight.  "We dropping in or climbing up?"

Steve tried to get Bucky's attention since the meeting but knew that he would have to wait as much as he hated to.  Steve knew from experience that to let Bucky stew was a bad thing.  "We drop in near the bottom of the mountain then climb the rest of the way up.  We'll want to be above the tracks before morning then get everything set.  Intel that we gathered says that Zola should be passing through that area around 1000, so we have a short window."

~~~***~~~***

They arrived at the LZ and started to make their way up the mountain.  Bucky could tell the others were giving him and Steve a chance to hash everything out before they reached the top but Bucky wasn't sure that was a good idea.  At least until Steve placed his hand on Bucky's arm to try and halt his forward movement.  "Bucky..."

"Don't," Bucky began as he shook his head.  "Don't even think about saying anything."  Bucky stopped and turned to Steve trying to reign in his anger.  "Were you going to tell me it was Zola or just leave me behind and deal with it later?  What the fuck, Steve?  I thought you trusted me, thought you believed in me.  What the fuck was that?"

"Bucky, that wasn't it at all you damn well know it.  This isn't about trust, this is about what that man did to you, and I wasn't lying when I said you needed the rest.  Hell everyone knows you haven't slept more than a couple of hours a damn night since I got you out of that place.  You were finally resting and I need you on the final mission.  What's so wrong with that," Steve tried to explain.  Bucky was one of the few people who could get his own temper to flare as quickly as a lit match.  

Bucky walked up to Steve so they were face to face, and Bucky had to hold his suddenly closed fists tight at his side.  "This is about trust, you didn't think I could handle this mission.  Was that Colonel Phillips idea or yours?  You all think I'm going to suddenly snap and blow the mission is that it, Captain?  Well let me tell you this pal, I would NEVER jeopardize the mission or the men.  And if you or Colonel Phillips think I would then you should have canned me a damn year ago."

Steve stood his ground, angered that Bucky would think he would just send him home like that because of what happened.  "It isn't like that and you damn well know its not.  I was there remember, I got you out of that damn room.  You can' t deny that in the past month the nightmares have gotten less.  We have the men we needed maybe I felt that you didn't have to be put into a position to face that man who did that to you.  You know you haven't been right since that damn day."

"Oh so this is all about my fragile Psyche is it?  Poor James, can't handle the pressure.  Well let me tell you, Sir, I can handle it.  What I can't handle is being stabbed in the back by someone I thought was my friend."  Bucky yelled.  

Steve glanced over Bucky's should and saw the others had stopped and was watching the battle between their two commanders.  "I have never, and would never stab you in the back.  You should know that."

"Then why?  You kept it from me, and were willing to let me stay behind without knowing what it was you were doing?  What did you think would happen, that I'd thank you when I walked into base and suddenly saw Zola standing there," Bucky wanted so much to reach out and grab a hold of Steve's shoulders and shake him until he understood.  He felt betrayed by the one person in his life who had never given him reason to doubt.

"I had to make a choice.  It was bring you on this mission and maybe just maybe not have you at one hundred percent in a few days when we go against the main base, or leave you behind so that I knew you were in top form for the final battle.  I made a decision and I stand by that.  If you can't live with that, Sergeant then you can stay on that damn mountain and go to the pickup point."  Steve pushed his way past Bucky, he was afraid of what he would say if they continued the fight.  He was hurt that Bucky didn't think Steve trusted him, he trusted him with his life.  Steve just didn't want to see his friend hurt if he could help it and if Bucky wasn't ready for the main base and someone got hurt, Steve knew that Bucky would never forgive himself.  

~~~***~~~***

Bucky knew he had been unreasonable the night before for after a night to sit on it, he was able to at least understand where Steve had been coming from.  He didn't have to like it, but he could understand.  With their whole mission on the line, Steve tried to make the best decision for the team.  Granted Bucky was still pretty sure that Steve had only done it because it was Bucky, but that would be something they would have to hash out when this mission was over.  If they were going to continue what they had started, then there would have to be complete and total trust. Bucky didn't need Steve to protect him, and Steve had to understand that he was fine.  

Standing he walked over to where Steve was at by the edge of the ravine, the zip-line already in place as Jones and Morita listened in on the radio for any news.  Bucky looked up at the line that stretched across to the mountain across the ravine and down to see if he could see the bottom.  "Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone on Coney Island," Bucky asked hoping that Steve would understand.

Steve could only look forward as he tried not to smile.  "Yeah, and I threw up."

Bucky looked up again at the line and shook his head slightly. "This isn't payback, is it?"

Steve stole a glance over at Bucky and smiled.  "Now why would I do that?"  They both knew that for now, all was forgiven.  There would be time later to talk it over, but now they were good.  They would have each other's back.

Gabe let them know that it was all a go, Zola was on the train and it was moving fast to its final destination.  The window of opportunity was now and it was closing faster.  Steve went down the line first quickly followed by Bucky and Jones.  Once all three landed on the train they began to move forward toward the closest entry point.  Steve opened the door and looked around as soon as Bucky came in behind him gun at the ready.  It was almost too quiet, but Steve remembered the report that the security would be light.  With Bucky guarding his back, Steve moved into the next car trying to make his way toward the engine room when the door shut behind him.  Turning around quickly, Steve saw that Bucky was trapped in the other car and was fighting two Hydra agents.  Steve tried to open the door when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck start to stand and the sound of something powering up.  The first shot took him by surprise that he almost didn't get to cover in time.  The shooter didn't get a chance to take a second round of shots before Steve was on him.  

Bucky hid behind some crates trying to avoid getting hit as his rifle jammed.  Throwing it to the ground, he pulled out his revolver and began to fire.  He was able to bring one down and rolled to the other side of the car to try and get a good shot on the other.   He could hear Steve trying to get the door open behind him when that gun jammed.  Bucky tried to get it un-jammed praying that he could get it working before Hydra took him out. Bucky heard the door slide open behind him and Steve flashed his own gun at Bucky.  Bucky nodded as the gun was tossed.  Steve rushed forward and helped bring the agent out from behind cover giving Bucky the angle he needed.  "I had him on the ropes," Bucky said knowing full well he owed Steve his life.  

"I know you did," Steve responded with a smile.  They both heard the sound of a weapon powering up and turned, Steve pushing Bucky behind him and raising his shield.  Bucky watched in horror as Steve slammed against the wall, not even noticing the blast had taken out the wall next to him.  Picking up Steve's shield Bucky held it in front of him and opened fire.  He had to draw attention away from Steve until he could get up.  The blast hit him right on the shield knocking Bucky back through the open hole.  Steve heard the blast and saw Bucky fall. Throwing his shield, Steve didn't even wait to see if he had knocked the shooter out as he made his way toward the gaping hole in the side of the car.  "Bucky! Hang on!"  Steve grabbed a hold of a rail and started to try and make his way out to Bucky.  He could see the piece that Bucky was hanging on was starting to give way and Bucky hadn't had the chance to get his feet up.  "Grab my hand," Steve tried to reach out just inches away from Bucky's hand.  He watched in horror as the rail that Bucky was holding finally gave way, their fingers just barely touching.  "NO!"  Steve felt as if the world had come to a stop.  He watched as Bucky fell and all Steve wanted to do was go after him.  "No... Bucky..."  

Steve wasn't sure how long he had held onto the side staring out at the river below.  He pulled himself back inside and could only sit there staring at the open hole, his left hand still reaching out to grab Bucky's own.  All he could see was Bucky holding his shield, Bucky falling, his hand reaching out to Steve's.  He had failed and now Steve felt like his whole world had ended.  Without Bucky what did he have?

The train reached the pickup point and Gabe came out of the engine car pushing Zola and the conductor out with him.  "Take this piece of trash," he said to the SSR agents who were waiting with the rest of the team.  

Dugan looked around knowing something was seriously wrong.  "Where's the Cap and Sarge," he asked as they all quickly began to run down the sides of the train.  When they spotted the large hole and torn metal on the side of one of the cars they all froze.  "Oh no."  Dugan and Falsworth ran to the opening the others right on their heels and they all wished they could turn back at the sight that greeted them.  Sitting on the floor next to a crate, facing the opening was their Captain.  His arm was still stretched out trying to grab something or someone as tears ran down his face.  "Captain?  Steve?"

Slowly the men all began to climb into the car looking around to see if they could find Barnes.  "Bucky... I'm sorry... I'm sorry.  Why?  It should have been me," Steve quietly cried and all the men knew what had happened.  They all moved in a protective circle around their Captain as they heard the SSR agents make their way down toward them.  They all had tears forming in their eyes as they swore to each other that they would protect their Captain.

~~~***~~~***

They all got off the plane after Zola was taken off, all too afraid to be too close to the man or else they knew that he would have been handed over a little bloodier than expected.  None of them had wanted to get on the plane, all had wanted to go back and begin searching for Bucky but the SSR agents in charge had informed them they were needed back and then they could gather a team to begin searching.  Steve still hadn't said anything since they had left the train so the team decided it would be best to get him away from the area.  Once they all had time to go over the maps they would have a better chance to bring Barnes home.

Once inside the SSR headquarters, Falsworth marched up to Colonel Phillips with the others behind him.  "We have to go back.  We have to search for Barnes, the longer we are away from the area his chances of surviving the cold lessen.  Request permission to lead a search party."

"Permission denied," Phillips stated as he looked over at the men.  Before they could all protest he raised his hands.  "I am not saying we will not search, however you men are too attached and frankly I need you elsewhere.  I will prepare a team and they will head out.  Fill out your reports and then...." Phillips looked over at Steve who appeared dead to everything around him.  "Then take care of your Captain.  That's an order."

"Sir, with all due respect," Dugan began.  "We know the area already.  And we know the general area he fell."

"Then make sure that gets into your report and I will make sure that the search team looks there.  You have your orders, men.  I expect you to follow them."  Phillips then moved away and as he passed by Steve he placed a hand on the man's shoulder.  It was a cold comfort but Steve understood it for what it was.  

The Commandos all moved away, anger filling them as they filled out their reports.  "We should be the ones looking for him.  We're the best one to handle it," Gabe said as he looked over at the others.  

"The Colonel is right about one thing, we need to be there for the Captain," Morita added as they all looked over at the broken man.

They all heard the air sirens go off and sighed.  They had to get Steve out of there before he broke down.  They knew it was not meant for anyone to see.  Once the bombs stopped, Steve walked out past the guard at the door and headed out into the city.  He didn't care at that moment if anything happened, all he knew was he had to get out of that building.  

Dernier shrugged and they all quickly followed Steve out of the building and down to the pub where they had first agreed to join in this battle.  Steve didn't even seem to notice them behind him as he reached over and grabbed a large bottle of Scotch and sat down at one of the burned tables.  The only sound coming from the night was the sound of the city-wide warning system.  " Blackout is still in effect throughout the London area.  Please wait for the all-clear.  Your attention, please.  All citizens shall remain indoors until further notice."

Slowly the others pulled out another bottle and some glasses setting them down around the table.  "Captain?"

"He's gone.  I couldn't reach him," Steve said staring down at the glass in his hand.  "I should have pushed harder, I should have forced him to stay behind.  I've never been able to say no to him, and now...."

Falsworth reached over and refilled Steve's glass.  "It wasn't your fault, Captain.  This was all Zola and the rest of Hydra."

Dernier quickly downed his glass and placed his hand on Steve's shoulder hoping to offer some comfort.  <" _We will find him," >_ he said quickly looking over at Gabe.

"We will.  We'll find him and bring him home, Cap.  We swear it," Gabe looked around at the others and they all nodded in agreement.  

Steve couldn't say anything as his throat felt too tight, he could only nod in thanks.  The men sat around for a while longer, just making sure that Steve knew that if he needed them, they would be there.  

Steve wasn't sure how long it had been but the men silently left, allowing him the chance to grieve in private for which he was grateful.  After one bottle was gone, Steve walked over and grabbed another. All he could see was Bucky raising his shield, Bucky being blown out the side of the train car, Steve not being quick enough to grab a hold of Bucky's hand.  There was so many things lately he had been grateful for with the serum, Bucky being the main one, but now Steve could only curse it and himself when he heard the movement of glass beneath someone's feet.  Steve glanced over and spotted Peggy make her way in and he filled his glass again.  He began quoting what he had remembered about what Dr. Erskine had told him, and remembering how much he had left out.  "Which means, um I can't get drunk.  Did you know that?"

Peggy could only add a little as she moved a chair to sit by him at the table.  "It wasn't your fault," she said as she took in the silent tears as they moved down his cheeks.  

"Did you read the report," Steve asked knowing full well what it said and who was to blame for it all.  "Then you know that's not true."  Steve had no one to blame but himself.  Bucky was gone and no matter what anyone said Steve would never believe otherwise.  

Peggy tried to help ease his pain but Steve knew he wasn't ready for any of her kindness.  How could he even think of even being friends with anyone when he had failed so badly with Bucky.  She talked about respect and belief in Bucky and Steve felt his heart begin to rip from his chest.  "Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it."

Steve could only glance down at the glass in his hand, he remembered the last time they had been in London.  Had it really only been just over two days?  He had felt so safe, so secure and so loved in Bucky's arms and now he would never have that again.  Steve felt like a large part of him was missing, never to be returned.  He was lost.  The only thing Steve knew was that he had to do something.  Bucky deserved that at least.  "I'm going after Schmidt. I'm not going to stop 'til all of Hydra is dead, or captured," he swore.  Until his dying breath he would make every last one of them pay.

~~~***~~~***

Pain, that was all the man knew.  Cold and pain, surrounded by water.  The man began to pull himself with one arm to the edge of the water surrounding him and fell face first into the snow at the river's edge.  He had no idea how he got there, he wasn't sure who he was.  What was he doing there by the river?  

<' _Here, just as Herr Doctor said' >_ came a voice from just a few feet away.  The man tried to open his eyes to see who it was.  The men who came to him, he couldn't understand.  

"Help... please..." he begged hoping the men could understand him.  he felt them reach for his jacket and start to drag him away from the river and he blacked out from the pain.  He wasn't sure how long he was unconscious but when he woke the man glanced down at his body trying to figure out where he was.  He didn't feel pain anymore, just cold -- deep to the bone cold and numb.  He saw a long blood trail beside him as they dragged him farther from the river.  'What happened to my arm,' he wondered.  Did he ever have an arm?  How could he lose his arm?

The man didn't realize he had once again passed out  until the next time he opened his eyes he was laying on a bed.  The ones who had brought him there were not around but the man saw others in white coats as bright lights were shinning down on him.  He glanced up as a smaller man looked down at him, he looked familiar but from where the man didn't know.  "Sergeant Barnes," the small man in the white coat said.

"Who? Who am I?  Where?" the man could only ask.  Who was this Sergeant Barnes?  Was that who he was?  He didn't remember being in the Army or whatever military this doctor thought he was in.  The man could only watch as the doctor seemed to smile brighter at his answer.  Trying to reach out to the doctor, the man glanced down and once again noticed he had no arm on the left side.  "What?"

"The procedure has already started," the doctor told the others in the room and the man could only wonder what he was talking about.  "The first phase was successful, now it is time to complete the process."

The man glanced over and saw one of the other doctors move up to him with some sort of saw.  Pain shot through his body as the blade began to dig into what was left of his arm, blood, bone, muscle... it all being ripped apart and taken away.  The man screamed and tried to stop the pain but he couldn't move, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't stop the pain.  The only thing the man could do was close his eyes and let the blackness once again take him.  

The man wasn't sure how much time had passed, but his mind was clearer, the pain gone.  He couldn't remember how he got there or where he was.  He wasn't sure his name, or if he even had a name but he felt better, stronger.  One doctor bent down and the man reached out and wrapped his hand across the doctor's throat.  When did he get a hand, the man thought before he was stabbed with a needle and blackness once again took over.

When he next woke the man remembered his hand and how it felt wrapped around the doctor's throat.  Raising his hands up, he could only look at the differences between the two. One flesh, the other metal.  What was he?  He remembered the small doctor from before, he knew him from somewhere.  "You are to be the new fist of Hydra," the doctor told him.  "You are a weapon that no other can match.  You will bring forth the new world order for Hydra.  You are OUR weapon, our greatest creation."  

The man, weapon, could only stare at the doctor trying to place where he knew the man from.  His mind filled with information -- weapons, languages, tactical movements, politics, targets, but nothing made sense.  The man looked around the room and tried to think.  Was he only a weapon?  He knew of nothing other than how to kill, so he must have only been a weapon.  The Fist of Hydra.  There was nothing else.

"Put him on ice," the doctor stated.  "We will continue in a few months once I finish what is needed to be done."  The doctor watched as the man \-- no Fist, was placed inside a small cylinder and the door closed in over him.  As a cold mist began to fill his vision and fill his lungs and mind as the world around him faded away.

It wasn't until he woke again, unsure how much time had passed that he discovered his name.

Hydra's Iron Fist, their weapon, their asset.  He was created to help bring order to the world, to bring freedom through the chaos.

The Winter Soldier.  

And he had a mission to complete.

~~~***~~~***

** New York 2011 **

It had been a month of solid debriefs, conditioning, and SHIELD trying to bring him up to speed on what had happened.  The last thing Steve remembered was the plane and ice, then to discover he had been frozen for sixty six years.  The world had changed, they say they had won the war, but it seemed to Steve that he wasn't sure if they really had.  All around him he could see the signs of war even there in New York.  A large monument in the middle of the city to people who had died when the 'towers fell', towers Steve had never seen.  There were more people on the streets, more violence.  Russia had become an enemy, Japan an ally, wars in the Middle east, Terrorists attacks... the world seemed so strange and Steve was trying to understand the fact that things were not so cut and dry as they had once been.  

Polo was gone but now there was AIDS and other diseases.  The German's fell but now there was  _ Al-Qaeda _ .  They had even created bombs much like the Red Skull and bombed Japan and all Steve could wonder was what made them any different than Hydra if that was the case.  What did he 'die' for?

SHIELD had given him a small apartment in Brooklyn and even there everything was different.  No longer was Mr. O'Malley at the corner pharmacy, and Mr. Steward's small market where they used to get their food was gone.  Now there were places like Starbucks and Walgreens on almost every street corner.  SSR was no more but now SHIELD.  It wasn't just some small group of people trying to rid the world of Hydra, now it was a large scale military force.

Steve had even heard of others who had tried to copy Dr. Erskine's serum and the dangerous side effects that had been done to the ones who had tried.  

The US was still at war. Men were still dying far from home.  People still struggled just to make ends meet.  

How they could say that times had changed for the better, Steve wasn't sure.

He sat at the table in his small kitchen with a file that SHIELD's director Fury had given him.  Steve knew that after the war Howard, Peggy and Colonel Phillips had started SHIELD and Steve wondering what they thought about the monster they had created now.  Was it how they envisioned it would be?  Was it working?

Slowly Steve opened the folder and started to pull out the files inside.  Each one he pulled out he felt more and more lost in this new day and age.

Jim Morita - **DECEASED**

Major James Montgomery Falsworth - **DECEASED**

James Buchanan Barnes - **MISSING IN ACTION**

Margaret Carter - **RETIRED/INACTIVE**

Howard A. Stark - **DECEASED**

Steve looked down at the contact information for Peggy and thought about maybe contacting her but he wasn't sure what he would say.  So much time had passed and by the looks of it she was the only connection he had to the past.  Setting back down Peggy's file, Steve reached back over to Bucky's.  Seeing that they still had him listed as MIA and not KIA Steve had to wonder if anyone had bothered to look for him, if they had even bothered to try and find his body to bring home.  He had hoped that someone would have looked when the war was over, but Steve now knew that no one had and he felt the emptiness that was in his heart grow.  

Steve couldn't get their argument before that last mission out of his head, if he had only...

Shaking his head, Steve knew he would get nowhere with that line of thinking.  Bucky was gone and it was all his fault.  Nothing could change the past, and Steve could only hope that one day he would feel whole again.

Reaching for the last file, Steve felt like it all had been yesterday.  The day he had found himself only to lose it as quickly as it came.  **'The Need for Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics within the US Army Super Soldier Program.  by Dr. Abraham Erskine'**

~~~***~~~***

End of Part two of Fates Decide

~~~***~~~***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad me...yeah a little foreshadowing to TWS... Poor Bucky!!!!!  Poor Steve... sigh...  
> Wow two full stories in a week, sigh. Woot!
> 
> Next up in series: To Asgard!
> 
> Believe me B/S will return soon...
> 
> It's back to work for me on Monday but will try to add to the series at least every 2-3 days. Thank you all for sticking with me and hope you enjoy the ride!


End file.
